10 hilarious Bill Burr quotes you need to know

by 4 years ago

"A good story is always you doing something wrong, you know? That's why nice people are so damn boring. I mean, they're nice, but their stories suck."

Bill Burr Show



As we do each week here on Guyism, today we’re honoring one of our favorite men by unceremoniously putting his quotes on pictures, today we’re honoring Bill Burr quotes. One of our favorite comedians, actors, podcast hosts, Bill Burr has had our attention for years, and frankly I apologize for not putting together a round up of his quotes sooner. So in no particular order, here are 10 of my favorite Bill Burr quotes (with bonus stand-up video at the end).

"Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into."

There's a critical point, when you've stayed single too long, that your brain switches from "No, don't say that" to "Eh, f*ck it. Say it, see what happens."

"Eating a donut is easiest way to tell the world you don’t give a f*ck."

"Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet."


If you’re enjoying this make sure to go LIKE US ON FACEBOOK and FOLLOW US ON TWITTER in order to always see the very best of Guyism.

"when I was a kid nerds had shame"

"It's not until you're an adult you appreciate how awesome a dog is. Your dreams start dyin, somebody cheats on ya, bankers f*ck up your 401k, ya know? Then ya come home and that dog's looking at you and he's like, 'Dude, you're awesome!' It's like No, dude you...You are f*ckin awesome!"

"Nothing worse than when a 6 acts like a 10."

"I am so pro-swine flu...I want it. We need a plague. It's got to happen; don't be afraid. It's only going to kill the weak."

"I gotta tell you, I’m envious of women. I’m not saying your problems get solved but at least they’re taken seriously. There’s 1-800 numbers, there’s ribbons, there’s groups—people give a shit. Anything happens to a guy, it’s just considered funny."

As a BONUS, here’s the stand-up routine in its entirety from which I used the screenshots to make the photos above. Also, go check out his PODCAST HERE (and the Guyism podcast here), and go follow him on TWITTER & like him on FACEBOOK.


If you’re enjoying this make sure to go LIKE US ON FACEBOOK and FOLLOW US ON TWITTER in order to always see the very best of Guyism.


TAGScomedian quotespopular quotesstand-up comediansStand-up comedy