What your choice in brunch cocktails says about you

Colin Joliat

Colin Joliat


You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning. We’re not here to judge your alcoholism though, just your choice in brunch cocktails. People can find any number of reasons to drink in the morning, but it’s what they drink that reveals their true nature. So what does your breakfast tipple say about you?


You’re a tailgating frat boy, and not a very good one. That plastic $8.99 handle and gallon of generic orange juice are meant for the sorostitutes, and you know it. Stop embarrassing yourself and the rest of the bros.

Corpse Reviver #2

You’re a bartender. They’re they only people bold enough to cure hangovers with a cocktail involving gin and absinthe. Then again, it’s probably 3pm by the time you have your first meal of the day, so why not start with absinthe?


You’re Mexican.


You’re a borderline alcoholic and my new best friend. It takes a real man to sip a glass of whiskey for breakfast, and that’s the kind of person with whom I want spend a lot of time. Wait, that didn’t sound right.


It must be Easter Sunday. Zombie Jesus is the only thing you could possibly be celebrating at 11am, and why else would you be drinking champagne if not to celebrate? Adding a splash of OJ doesn’t make that flute any less girly.


You’re obsessed with either Hunter S. Thompson or Swedish House Mafia. Unfortunately for you, Hunter S. Thompson ate grapefruit rather than drinking its juice with vodka, and any respectable restaurant has a “no uncing at brunch” policy.



Bloody Mary

Now you’re speaking Hunter S. Thompson’s language. He used to have four Bloody Marys with breakfast every day. You, on the other hand, probably think that extra dash of Worcestershire sauce is adventurous because a Bloody Mary is as boring as you are.

Irish Coffee

You’re ashamed of drinking in the morning but not willing to go sober. Nobody believes that it’s just coffee in your cup though, so you might as well cite the 1/8th of your heritage that’s Irish and own it.


You frequently tuck it between your legs and pretend like you’re a pretty, pretty lady.

Red Snapper

You actually enjoy the taste of alcohol. A Red Snapper is just a Bloody Mary with gin instead of vodka, which makes it taste like more than a glass of peppery tomato juice. Congrats on being a real drinker.


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