A Chicago Yelper, who might be Stephanie Tanner, was on the receiving end of a digital smackdown and now potentially faces a lawsuit after posting a scathing 1-star review when she supposedly didn’t even eat at the restaurant. I’m guessing she didn’t expect the owner to call her on her bullshit. Let this be a lesson: don’t fuck with Yuzu Sushi in Chicago!
I tend to trust people, but there are immediate red flags in the above review. First of all, no self-respecting person orders a spicy tuna roll. Second, claiming that there was a cockroach in her actual sushi roll is the equivalent of throwing a Molotov cocktail through the pants store window. Somewhere in a restaurant? Sure, that’s not a stretch. But is she honestly suggesting that a bug crawled across the chef’s finger tips as he was rolling the sushi? I’m not sure there’s a dish less likely to contain a bug.
The restaurant wasn’t going to take this claim in stride either.
Who knew ADT did more than shoot terrible commercials about people breaking into your house? Kudos to this guy for locking down that security system long before learning English. If we’re to believe this response, which I think we all do, the reviewer comes off as a self-entitled brat who bitches whenever she doesn’t get exactly what she wants.
You might think dropping the email address for the Chicago Department of Public Health would be the end of it, but nope. Like an underage girl who swears her I.D. is real, the reviewer re-ups.
Wait, so she called to check on a table? That’s not the same thing as making a reservation. Maybe the miscommunication was due to her speaking English terribly as well. I imagine the call on Friday went something like this:
12pm: Anna – “Do u haz ! tables ??!
Yuzu – “Yes.”
Anna – “Great I’m getting ready right now coming to eat yay sushi!!! ! !! !”
7pm: Anna – “Hi, I’m here to eat spicy tuna rolls because sushi”
Yuzu – “Name?”
Anna – “BRITNEY, BITCH ! jk i’m Anna.”
Yuzu – “Sorry, we don’t have a reservation in your name, and we don’t have a table open.”
Anna – “FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU !”
So what did Yuzu have to say to her follow up? More logic bombs. They even agree to publicly apologize upon production of the alleged receipt.
I don’t know what “we will go forward with our processor” means, but I sure hope it means, “we’re suing the shit out of you.” I don’t want to see anyone in financial ruin, so I hope the sentence the judge issues is a lifetime ban from all sushi restaurants in Chicago.
Scratch that. Based on these other very Stephanie Tanneresque reviews (9 of 23 are 1-star), I hope she’s banned from all restaurants.
Tip of the chefs hat to r/Chicago