That little kid stuck in the claw machine will turn out to be a hoax and you’re all gonna feel dumb

bear-claw

Courtesy of Madsen’s Bowling


 

This 3-year-old boy went missing and was found inside a claw machine. And if you believe that story, you’re thick.

A customer at Madsen’s bowling alley and billiards in Lincoln, Nebraska notified lane employees after the precocious little ginger was spotted playing inside the “Bear Claw” machine. Before they removed the child, everyone gathered around and took photos like the kid is a street performer.

“Hey, everyone, come see the little kid who’s parents don’t love him! They stopped paying attention to him for so long, he crawled into a claw machine. Maybe he’s trying to obtain love from those stuffed animals while his parents are busy, you know, bowling.”

I’m calling bullshit on Madsen’s Bowling, the parents of Kiddie Carrot Top and this whole story. How did he get inside? The prize release doors come equipped with doors that don’t allow a human hand or penis to get inside. I’ve tried both. The hand after hours and dollars spent trying to win a stupid stuffed Minion and the penis after a couple too many pints during Midnight Rock ‘n Bowl.

Tomorrow, video footage will show Jimmy Kimmel popping up from underneath those stuffed animals and we’ll all free pretty stupid. Not as stupid as when the ambulance arrives to physically remove your dick from a bear claw machine, but pretty darn close.