MMA fighter Michael Waylon Lowe claims a penis gel he bought from a sex store left his genitals burned and disfigured. He is suing the sex shop and the manufacturer for $50,000. Because $50,000 is the going rate for a new penis these days (or so I’m told).
“This is a very private, but very significant loss for a man who is very vital in so many other aspects,” said Lowe’s attorney, Thomas R. Kline. “This is a man who literally makes his living avoiding injury; he knows how to protect himself. Yet he wasn’t provided with the most basic, simple instructions to protect himself from this product. If it could happen to him, it could happen to anyone.”
How do you defend against an accusation like that? Well, I’m glad you asked. The Kama Sutra Co. has been around for 44 years and not a single person has a burned penis or vagina. Burning with pleasure maybe but not like chlamydia-like burning. Amirite fellas?
Lowe has fought professionally since 2006 and sports a 14-4 record. On March 23rd of this year, he made his triumphant return to the ring beating Cameron Dollar in a first round knockout. So, in essence, things aren’t that terrible for Michael Lowe (says the guy with an unburned penis).