The trailer for Diablo Cody’s Paradise features a mediocre looking Julianne Hough and a bald and terrifyingly mustacheless Nick Offerman. Excuse me while I curl up in the corner and cry.
The makeup directors for Paradise deserve both a raise and to be fired. How can you manage to make Julianne Hough look homely? She’s one of the hottest women on the planet, and I spent the entire trailer trying to decide if she was attractive or not. I also blame them for taking away the most manly man in the world. I’m not sure I’ll ever recover from seeing Nick Offerman without a mustache and wearing a keffiyeh.
In not funny news, someone threatened to take a gun to the theater and shoot as many people as possible. I find a lot of inappropriate things funny, but there is nothing amusing about this.