6 sexual stipulations women put men through

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It’s not easy being a man. We have needs that overwhelm us in ways that cannot be fully understood, while women are complicatedly reserved -and yet demanding- when it comes to theirs. Here are some of the stipulations women have when it comes to sex.

6 Look but Don’t Touch

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How about this – neither or both? There was no point in “show” without “tell” in grade school and there’s no point in “boob” without “touch” now.

5 Touch but Don’t Look

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Dammit, now you’ve flipped it the other way! You really want to turn the lights off? Okay, well this is definitely better than “look but don’t touch.” and we understand that sometimes you’re a bit shy, but male sexuality is deeply tied to visuals…so let’s not make this a habit.

4 HJ, but No BJ

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A handjob is just a fledgling sexual act that has not yet matured into a beautiful, full-grown blowjob – and yet, the end result is the same. If you are still getting the old swift palm to the penis instead of your oral agreement after the fifth date, then you know it’s time to write a passive aggressive memo.

3 Sex, but No BJ

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Seriously? You’re A-OK with penetration, but not agreeable to a little mouth love? Is it because the only oral you truly enjoy is Oral B? Is it because you don’t think we’ll reciprocate? It’s a mystery…

2 Sex, but Not Until Official Relationship/Marriage

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Scenario #1 – You both want to “do coitus” so badly that it unconsciously accelerates your decision to get married. Whoops, that was dumb.

Scenario #2 – You get married and the sex isn’t very good – and then it continues to not be good well past the time you think it should have. Whoops, you’re not sexually compatible.

Scenario #3 – You find stilettos, a muzzle and a leather whip on your joint credit card statement. Whoops, she wants to enslave you.

1 Butt Sechs, but Not Until…?

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Most times, women have had a bad experience because some guy knocked down their back door with a crudely wielded power tool. But what about knocking on her back door with a romantic pleasure tool that wants her to enjoy the act as much as you do? Show her butt the respect it deserves and treat it like a classy lady.