I think my partner is cheating, what should I do?

Cheating woman image by Shutterstock

Remember Quin, the girl who snapped at a guy for breaking up with her over text message while the whole Internet called her crazy? She’s now doing a regular advice column here at Guyism because you love her so. Today she tackles cheating in a relationship.

Is my partner cheating on me?


Obviously I don’t know for sure, but if you have any doubts that are leading you to read this, there’s a pretty good chance your instincts are correct. If you wanted a security blanket checklist of things to ease your mind, that’s here, too, but first here are a few things that you might be doing that should tell you you’re suspicious:

— Checking his/her phone. There’s a normal amount of trust that goes into sharing each other’s iPhone passwords, of course, but if you find yourself stealing a surreptitious peak when your partner’s in the other room, that’s an entirely different problem.
— Setting “traps,” like creating the perfect opportunity for him or her to cheat by leaving for a weekend, but coming home “early” just to see what he or she is doing. Yes, women do this.
— Doubling down on your need for attention, answers, and physical proximity.

And here are some pretty strong red flags to watch for if you have any misgivings:

— Sudden change in appearance or concern about looks
— Increased number of late evenings at the office/guy nights/early mornings
— Belligerence or accusations of you cheating
— Sudden need for “space”

So now what?

There a few routes to call someone on cheating. It just depends on how furious or humiliated you’re feeling. For starters, you can always ask. The cons are pretty obvious either way: (s)he could just be lying, and if (s)he really wasn’t, then you’re now going to look like you might be cheating. The pros are lack of planning and a straightforward methodology.

There’s always that aforementioned trap options, though you’re going to look pretty insane if your partner is innocent. With the host of mobile apps available to track, stalk, and anonymously communicate, there’s no shortage of ways to catch your partner. Just realize that if you’re wrong, you could be done forever, but if you feel strongly enough to set up an elaborate plan, you were probably right all along.