Perhaps the most simultaneously annoying and interesting trend, though, is the move toward every one and their 12-year-old sister dedicating an account to a “problem.” The mania started innocuously. Acccounts were created for problems that millions of people go through daily—post-grad problems, college problems, athlete problems. This was fine. But then we watched these accounts spread. And grow. And become incoherent.
Suddenly, there was a Twitter profile for every kind of entitled, first-world problem you could possibly think of. Many of the accounts weren't about problems at all—just collections of quotes ripped from Katt Williams parody accounts or listings of different types of clothing brands. And the ones that did continue to list problems? For every one that told you about a problem unique to the situation (“Our library closes at 8 p.m. #collegeproblem”) there were 10 that didn't (“Tired #collegeproblem”).
It's time to catalog this weird, weird trend. Below is a rundown of the many, many problems you can find on Twitter. Some of these accounts are truly awful. Some are gems and should be worth a follow.
All, though, are strict adherents of today's No. 1 Internet pastime: Whining. Enjoy.
have no regretsexcept all those facebook pages you liked back in 2009, regret those
— High School Problems (@HighSchoolSuckz) March 4, 2013
i understand i was a freshmen once, but at least i wasn't that annoying
— Senior '13 Problems (@Senior13Prblms) February 13, 2013
Skipping my first class because I didn't do the assignment. #collegeproblems
— College Problems (@_collegeproblem) February 20, 2013
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A small part of me died when I saw how many assignments are due at midnight tonight.
— Student Pains (@Student_Pains) March 5, 2013
The metric system. #abroadproblems
— Abroad Problems (@AbroadProblems) February 9, 2013
When you're up at 7:30AM but stay in bed wide awake for 2 hours and call it sleeping in. #PGP
— PostGradProblems (@PostGradProblem) March 2, 2013
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We get it, you're cold. Drink some whiskey and STFU. #fratproblems
— FratProblems (@fratproblems) February 25, 2013
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First night of pledging, the pledges will have the task of getting their entire chests waxed. Unfortunately for them, it only gets worse.
— Frat Star Problems (@FrtStarProblems) September 22, 2012
Just got the best email ever from @bonobos. “Awesome cargo shorts” is in nobody's vocabulary. Extra pockets = no sex for you. #GFP
— Gay Frat Problems (@GayFratProblems) June 30, 2011
10. Sratty Problems
My roommate is having sex right now. My entire room is shaking �������� #yougogirl
— Sratty Problems (@SrattyProblems) March 2, 2013
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Have hooked up with too many of my sister's boyfriends #incest #sororitygirlproblems
— Sorority Problems (@TheSorostitutes) July 24, 2011
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If you eat my food, I will go Spartan on your ass. #greekgirlproblems
— Greek Girl Problems (@GreekGirlProbs) February 17, 2013
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(So yeah, this is actually “Greek” Greek. My bad.)
13. Prep Problems
Seersucker #PreppyProbs
— Prep Problems (@Proper_Problems) February 9, 2013
I spend way too much money on Essie. #essie #obsession #prepgirlproblems
— Prep Girl Problems (@PrepGirlProb) March 3, 2013
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House in Cabo or house in the Azores for spring break? #choices #prepbroproblems #trustfundbaby
— PrepBroProblems (@PrepBroProblems) March 5, 2013
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My Encarta CD-ROM isn't working and I have a report due tomorrow. #90sgirlproblems
— 90s Girl Problems (@90sgirlproblem) February 27, 2013
17. 90s Boy Problems
If she can't smell what The Rock is cookin', then she's too young. #90sboyproblems
— 90s Boy Problems (@90sboyproblem) February 16, 2013
18. 20s Problems
Rise and drink coffee.
— 20s problems (@Twentiesprobs) February 26, 2013
I've been dehydrated for the last three years. #whitegirlproblems
— White Girl Problems (@whitegrlproblem) March 1, 2013
Throw shade in my mentions all you want. Just make sure you include your body measurements at the end. #blackgirlproblems
— Black Girl Problems (@blkgrlprblms) October 18, 2012
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Oh wait. Am I still at my bar and drinking for free? You wish you were blonde. #bgwin
— Blonde Girl Problems (@blondgrlproblm) February 24, 2013
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BRUNETTE HAIR FOREVER ����
— Brunette Problems(@WilddBrunette) March 4, 2013
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23. Bitch Problems
Fuck school, I'm going to marry someone rich.
— Bitch Problems (@bitchprblmz) March 5, 2013
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I think everyday should include champagne #pgp
— Pretty Girl Problems (@PrettyGrlProb) February 17, 2013
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why do makeup when you can just strip naked and roll around in broken glass and feel the exact same way
— Ugly People Problems (@Uglypeopleunite) March 1, 2013
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Tax season is my favorite season. #MoMoneyNoProblems ������
— Cocky Girl Problems (@cockygirlprblms) March 2, 2013
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#ThingsGirlsLike height.
— Tall Girl Problems (@TallGrlPrblms) February 27, 2013
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It's hard for me to be found in a crowded place. #shortgirlproblems
— Short Girl Problems (@shortgrlprblem) March 3, 2013
In bed wishing a dealer would wake me up with weed. #stonrgrlproblems
— Stoner Girl Problems (@stonrgrlproblem) February 1, 2013
cause vampirefreaks is soooo passe now. #gothgirlproblems
— goth girl problems (@gothgirlproblem) July 22, 2012
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Hot tempered and foul mouthed. #irishgirlproblems
— Irish Girl Problems (@IrishGirlProbz) February 28, 2013
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32. Drunk Girl Problems (Same thing?)
The strange mixes of drunk food #drunkgirlproblems
— Drunk Girl Problems (@DrunkGirlLife) December 1, 2012
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People are always asking what size they are #bigboobproblems
— Big Boob Problems (@bigboobprobs) February 27, 2013
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#HowToMakeMeSmile tell me my boobs look big
— Flat Girl Problems (@Flatgrlprobz) March 5, 2013
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35. Single Problems
Maybe I should get a cat. #singleprob
— Single Problems (@singleprob) March 4, 2013
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Goodbyes suck.
— Boyfriend Problems (@TheBFproblems) February 27, 2013
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I'm so hungry and lonely I could drink an entire bottle of vodka. #singlegirlproblems
— Single Girl Problems (@snglegrlprblms) March 5, 2013
Having an awesome place and no girls to bring over. #singleguyproblems
— Single Guy Problems (@snglgprblms) February 27, 2013
My boobs hurt.I must be pregnant.#sluttygirlproblems
— Slutty Girl Problems (@sluttygrlprobs) March 4, 2013
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I hate condoms but I hate kids even more #WrapItUp
— Slutty Man Problems (@sluttymanprobs) March 4, 2013
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41. Trendy Problems
I don't do 100% of outdoor activities and 56% of indoor activities. #trendyproblems
— Trendy Problems (@TrendyProblems) February 27, 2013
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42. Band Problems
Half-time show in twelve minutes? Challenge accepted. #Bandproblems
— Band Problems Ⓜ (@Bandproblems) January 29, 2013
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43. Hipster Problems
I think my spirit animal is extinct. #hipsterproblems
— Hipster Problems (@HipsterProblems) February 28, 2013
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That awkward moment when you can't determine the sexuality of a fellow male thespian. #TheatreKidProblems
— Theatre Kid Problems (@TheatreKidLives) February 7, 2013
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45. Anxiety Problems
crying all the time #anxietyprobz
— Anxiety Problems (@AnxietyProbzz) February 19, 2013
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46. Party Problems
I become an excellent singer when I'm drunk
— Party Problems (@Partyprobs) March 5, 2013
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47. Big Kid Problems
You can never just have ONE Thin Mint #bigkidproblems
— BigKidProblems (@BigKidProblems) February 21, 2013
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48. Ginger Problems
Attempting to tan and then realizing your skin tone only has two color settings: albino and tomato. #GingerProblems
— Ginger Problems (@GingerProblems) March 4, 2013
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I wish the sober me was as confident as drunk me.
— Alcoholic Problems (@AlcoholicProbzz) February 21, 2013
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Oh so it's okay to sedate patients so you can watch the Grammys, but not last week so i could watch the Super Bowl?
— Male Nurse Problems (@MaleNurseProbs) February 10, 2013
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If you give me five drinks I'll start reminiscing about living within walking distance of the 14th Street Trader Joe's and Brother Jimmy's
— JewishBoy Problems (@JewBoyProblems) March 3, 2013
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L'Shana Tova my little Js. May this year bring health, happiness and many an investment banker. #RoshHashana #apples #honey
— jewish girl problems (@jewishgrlprblms) September 16, 2012
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Straws are the bane of my life.
— Bar Staff Problems (@Bar_staff_probs) March 5, 2013
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Double drive thru. #mcdonaldsproblems
— mcdonalds problems(@Mcds_Probs) January 26, 2013
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55. Pastor Problems
That awkward moment when the ex-child molester asks to sing “Butterfly Kisses” as a special in church #PastorProblems (via @chrisulery)
— Pastor Problems (@PastorProblems) December 26, 2012
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56. Leo Problems
#Leo's worry WAY too much. #LeoProblems
— Leo_Problems (@Leo_Problems) March 5, 2013
Been playing xbox all day,and now the batteries have run out in my controller. Went to change them and I only have AAA,and I need AA.
— Jay Z (@Jayz99problems) November 16, 2010
(This is actually the worst parody account I've ever seen.)
“i won't tell anyone” really means that the entire town is going to hear this in the next 5 minutes. #smalltownproblems
— Small Town Problems (@SmallTwnProbs) March 1, 2013
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I hate that stupid old pickup truck you never let me drive. #SouthernProblem
— Southern Problems (@SouthernProblem) February 20, 2013
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RT if you ate fish today #CatholicProblems
— Catholic Problems (@CatholicPrblm) March 1, 2013
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61. Mormon Problems
Catholics beat the Mormons. #MormonProblems
— Mormon Problems (@MormonProbs) March 1, 2013
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62. Uh, Mermaid Problems
DO THE STANKY LEGGG, DO THE STANKY LEGGG!!…. Oh wait �� #mermaidproblems
— Mermaid Problems (@Mermaid_Problem) February 27, 2013
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63. Duke Problems
My blood is so blue. #GTHC #whatanight #GODUKE
— Duke Problems (@dukeproblems) February 14, 2013
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64. UNC Problems
i'd love to go to the game today but i have three papers and 2 midterms this week #uncproblems #springbreakwhereareyou
— unc problems (@uncproblems_) March 3, 2013
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65. University of Texas Problems
Calculating my grades to see how much I can slack. #UTexasProblems
— UTexas Problems (@UTexasProblems) December 5, 2012
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66. UGA Problems
Professor gives a minimum length for a paper = my personal maximum length for said paper
— UGAProblems (@UGA_Problems) February 27, 2013
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Brainstorming bookstore basketball names > paying attention in class. #NDproblems
— ND Problems (@NDProblems_) February 25, 2013
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68. UConn Problems
First Alesso and now Steve Aoki and Kendrick Lamar? I fear for Gampel Pavilion and event staff.
— UConn Problems (@UConnProblems) February 12, 2013
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69. UF Problems
Is Ryan Lochte the new Tim Tebow?
— Gator Problems (@GatorProblems) July 1, 2012
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“Winter” Break instead of Spring Break #michiganproblems
— Michigan Problems (@MichiganProblem) February 24, 2013
So slipping and breaking my head on the ice won't give me a 4.0 and free tuition? #texastechproblems
— Texas Tech Problems (@TexasTechProbs) February 26, 2013
Walmart is a scary place right now. Kentucky is probably the worst state to be in one.
— Kentucky Problems (@KY_Probs) November 23, 2012
Anxiously watching to see if the zamboni misses a patch of ice #canadianprobz
— Canadian Problems (@CanadianProbz) January 8, 2013
74. Asian Problems
RT if you're Asian & still doing homework.
— Asian Problems™ (@_AsianProblems_) March 5, 2013
75. Indian Problems
The best part about having a complicated name is that teachers are less likely to call on you
—Indian Problems (@IndianProbz) February 4, 2013
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WHAT THE FALAFEL. #wtf
— Lebanese Problems (@LebaneseProblem) March 4, 2013
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77. Arab Problems
When you have friends over and your mom says something mean in Arabic: “What did she say?” “Oh..uh she said have some chips” #Arabprobs
— Arab Problems (@Arabprobs) November 11, 2012
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I wish we could patch up our terrible economy the way we patch our terrible roads
— RI Problems (@RIprobz) March 4, 2013
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79. Ohio Problems
#ThingsIHateAboutSchool everything.
— Ohio Problems (@OhioProbz) February 22, 2013
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I've never been to Taco Bell. #californiaproblems Why would I when we have so many great taco shops? #californiasolutions
— California Problems (@californiaprobs) March 1, 2013
I don't know what grows faster, Corn in the state, Or the crime-rate in Chicago. #IllinoisProblems
— Illinois Problems (@IllinoisProbss) February 26, 2013
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82. Southern Illinois Problems
Southern Illinois: paying the price for corrupt Chicago politicians for years. #soillprobz
— So. Ill. Problems (@SoIllProbz) March 4, 2013
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why am I not magically tan right now? #txgirlproblem
— texas girl problems (@txgirlproblem) February 19, 2013
84. New York City Girl Problems
Blizzards are great for drug parties #nycgrlproblems
— nycgrl problems (@nycgrlproblems) February 10, 2013
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Risking your life to catch a train before the doors close, getting on train, train is held at station for the next 5 minutes #bkgirlproblems
— BK Girl Problems 🙁 (@bkgirlproblems) March 2, 2013
You're aware it isn't actually required to dress like a skank when going to a Swedish House Mafia concert, right? #WestchesterGirlProblems
— Westchester Problems (@WC_Problems) March 2, 2013
My Netflix Queue is outdated.#firstworldproblems
— First World Problems (@firstworldme) March 5, 2013
My bacon didn't cook in the middle but it fried on the outside.:bit.ly/XHvQQz
— Rich World Problems (@richworldprblms) March 5, 2013
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(Awful.)
89. Athlete Problems
Away trip: “I hope I got everything.” #ShitAthletesSay
— Athlete Problems (@AthletesProblem) February 19, 2013
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When people take charges at open gym… #BasketballProblems
— Basketball Problems (@BballProblemz) March 5, 2013
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Honestly can't remember the last time my arm felt good. #baseballprobz
— Baseball Problems (@Baseballprobz) March 1, 2013
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92. Golf Problems
She is a keeper if the first thing she asks is “what's your handicap?” #GolfProblems
— Golf Problems (@GolfProblems_) February 17, 2013
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93. Gym Rat Problems
Staying in on a Saturday night #cuttingseason #gymratprobs
— Gym Rat Problems (@Gymratprobs) February 24, 2013
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94. Skating Problems
I've gotten so use to cuts and scrapes that half the time I don't notice I cut myself until the blood drips down my leg
— skater problems (@skating_probs) February 20, 2013
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95. Hockey Problems
You can't call it “flow” if you're not a hockey player. #realtalk
— Hockey Problems (@TheHockeyProbs) February 27, 2013
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96. Tennis Problems
Wins the first set easily. Still ends up losing the match. #badlucktennisplayer #tennisproblems
— Tennis Problems (@Tennis_Prob) March 3, 2013
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97. D1 Lax Problems
Coach asked me if I got a dry hand job this weekend.Based on his shitty mood, I'm going to assume he got a dry hand job. #D1LaxProblems
— D1LacrosseProblems (@D1LaxProblems) March 4, 2013
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98. D-Mid Problems
Coach tried to make the shoveling snow off our turf time seem like it was going to be fun #d3problems
— D-Mid Problems (@DMidProblems) February 27, 2013
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(Jesus Christ, that's specific.)
99. Just Plain Lacrosse Problems
Breaking in new cleats. #laxproblems
— Lacrosse Problems (@LaxPrblms) February 6, 2013
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100. Snap Chat Problems
When you send someone an ugly Snapchat and they screenshot it. I�� TRUSTED �� YOU ��
— Snapchat Problems (@SnapchatProbbz) March 5, 2013
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101. Temple Run Problems
The monkeys are just mad because they can't find valentines
— Temple Run Problems (@TR_Problems) February 12, 2012
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When your shooting and your teammate stops in front of you and the enemy gets a double kill.
— CodFanProblems (@CodFanProblems) February 22, 2013
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103. Madden Problems
When your receiver doesn't even try to catch the ball #MaddenProblems
— Madden Problems (@MaddenProblemz) January 24, 2013
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104. The Sims Problems
inviting strangers to your child's birthday party
— The Sims Problems (@TheSimsProblems) March 4, 2013
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AND FINALLY:
105. Life Problems
So can we just skip to summer now?
— Life Problems! (@LifeProbIems) February 26, 2013
“