According to a survey of 500 women by underwear company Knixwear, the six words below are the most cringeworthy for their gender. That is, if we’re to take the opinions of 500 woman and apply them across the entire female population. To be clear, we are. I really want to write a gross sentence, so we definitely are going to take these 500 opinions and make them the end-all, be-all of lady thoughts.
The list is unsurprising, but also lacking. Sure, MOIST is obviously included. But where are the more vulgar words? I thought chicks hated the word “cunt.” Is that no longer a thing? Because if so, then maybe I can finally publish the book I’ve been working on entitled, “Cunty Cunterson Cunts Her Way Around Cuntsville.” It’s a children’s book.
Anyway, enough nonsense. Here are the six words women apparently abhor in 2015
Now I must use all six of these words the way God intended. Which, of course, is disgustingly.
I caught her gaze across the bar and from the moment our eyes locked, I knew that my supreme masculinity sent her flap into unspeakable fits. As her pussy seized at richter scale-levels, there was a twinkle in her eye that said, “I’m moist, Dirk. I’m so fucking moist. Take me home so I can squirt all over your hairy grundle. Really knot it up.” There was an equally disturbing twinkle in my eye that replied, “I got something for you, too, Deborah. Man curd. Chunky man curd, to be exact. Now hurry up and finish that sauvignon blanc so I can finish all over your beefy tits.” Oh yes, our eyes were saying all of that and more. And tonight, two bodies — Dirk and Deborah — will become one. One beautiful, chunky, moist, curdy mess.
That last line also happens to be part of what they will write on my headstone some day. “Here lies J.Camm. One beautiful, chunky, moist, curdy mess of a man. He disliked most things.”
Ok, I need to go take a shower. And maybe vomit.
[H/T Daily Mail]