This Guy Allegedly Tried To Beat The McShit Out Of His Wife With A McChicken Sandwich

I try not to be a super judgmental person, I really do. But when stories like this pop up in the news I can’t help but be like “You are, without a doubt, not only polluting the gene pool for future generations, but are a complete waste of breathable air and a drain on humankind as a whole. If I had the option of saving either you or Hitler from falling off a cliff into a canyon, I would pull Hitler back from the edge, wait for you to fall, and then give Hitler a good kick in the ass so he’d fall in right after you.”

That’s probably kinda harsh, but come on now what the fuck. Like if you’re allegedly beating your wife with McChickens you need to re-evaluate your until life up until this very moment, then go and evaluate it some more, and then walk to the nearest cliff and throw yourself off of it.

Not kidding.

In reality the whole world is fucked anyway, so I guess if Marvin Tramaine Hill wants to allegedly throw McChickens at his wife, he might as well. Not like we haven’t hit lower points as a society, right?

An Iowa man was jailed without bond after he allegedly assaulted his pregnant wife with a McDonald’s McChicken sandwich…

Police said Hill’s wife had mayonnaise on her shirt and face when they arrived, and that Hill had allegedly thrown the sandwich at her and smashed the bun from the sandwich into her face.

Hill’s wife woke him up and handed him the sandwich at about 1 p.m., and Hill admitted to police that he threw the sandwich at his wife “because he doesn’t like them,” according a report from police.


To be fair though, when I don’t like things I too throw them at people. Waiter brings me a Diet Pepsi instead of a Diet Coke? SPLASH soft drink in the face. Asked your Mom to make you a ham sandwich but she made you turkey on accident? Just throw it at her and she won’t fuck that shit up again, I promise you.

[H/T WQAD and Death and Taxes, image via WQAD via CNN]