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Amazon Is Buying Whole Foods For $13.7 Billion And The Internet Has SO, SO Many Kale Jokes

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Huge, huge, HUGE! news from the business world today. Like a story arc out of a South Park season, Amazon — the biggest retailer in the world — announced that it’s ready to buy Whole Foods, every yuppie’s favorite overpriced, all-organic grocery store. Amazon is acquiring the company for $42 a share in cash at a valuation of $13.7 billion, giving billionaire Jeff Bezos another massive retailer in his empire alongside the Washington Post, Zappos, and Twitch. Get ready for delivery kale via drone coming to your local Whole Foods. via Bloomberg:

“Millions of people love Whole Foods Market because they offer the best natural and organic foods, and they make it fun to eat healthy,” Amazon Chief Executive Officer Jeff Bezos said in a statement.

The takeover is slated to be completed in the second half of the year, with Whole Foods’ headquarters remaining in Austin, Texas.

Amazon previously contemplated a takeover of Whole Foods last fall, but it didn’t pursue a deal, a person with knowledge of the situation have said. The e-commerce company revisited the idea after Jana stepped in.

“Amazon clearly wants to be in grocery, clearly believes a physical presence gives them an advantage,” said Michael Pachter, an analyst at Wedbush Securities Inc. “I assume the physical presence gives them the ability to distribute other products more locally. So theoretically you could get 5-minute delivery.”

The announcement of the acquisition caused a social media tsunami. The move feels like one step closer to corporate singularity, with a huge tech company acquiring such a massive national grocery store chain.

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https://twitter.com/b_fung/status/875701985185583104

https://twitter.com/peterwsinger/status/875701508297412608

https://twitter.com/ZielinskiCarter/status/875703763373260800

 

SO. MANY. KALE. JOKES. 

 

Shout out to the other jokes in this wonderful moment of M&A corporate synergy: 

Brandon Wenerd is BroBible's publisher, helping start this site in 2009. He lives in Los Angeles and likes writing about music and culture. His podcast is called the Mostly Occasionally Show, featuring interviews with artists and athletes, along with a behind-the-scenes view of BroBible. Read more of his work at brandonwenerd.com. Email: brandon@brobible.com
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