Cockblocking is not cool, bros. But you already know that. You already know that cockblocking should only be used in the rarest of situations as a form of revenge. Well, this is a story about one bro getting the most ingenious and hilarious (petty) revenge by cockblocking his roommate after the roommate had repeatedly stolen his stuff AND had been warned on multiple occasions to stop stealing the stuff. After repeated warnings the offending roommate responded with ‘Whatever I don’t give a shit’, and that’s when all bets were off, that’s when the option to cockblock was put on the table.
This one comes to us by way of ‘PettyRevenge’, the forum for people to share their revenge stories. I’ve never actually shared one of these here on BroBible because until now I didn’t think any of them were worthy, but this one’s too fucking funny not to share with you bros:
‘So my room mate is again stealing my baby wipes and along with using my tooth paste. Time for more petty revenge‘ by Nerdinaterx2
So I posted about my room mate using up all my baby wipes and he said to me he would stop. Well the past 2 days he started doing it again along with using my tooth paste and not even fucking being kind enough to put the cap back on after using it.
So I confronted him about this AGAIN and he said “Whatever I don’t give a shit, hide it somewhere then”. Nah… nah I will keep it there, I have an idea.
A couple days ago he said he has a girl coming over and would like to get some action and leave him alone. I said OK no worries. So about an hour before she came over I pretended to leave and said I am heading out for the night. 5 minutes later I snuck back in while he was making dinner for the both of them.
I got to my room and hid in there knowing that for a fact at some point in the night she would ask to use the bathroom, and I needed to take a shit. So 45 minutes goes by and she arrived and I am just waiting. About 2 hours after she gets there I hear him go take a piss. AH perfect! he went first!
Now time to take a big fat fucking shit. I run into the bathroom and crap as quiet as I possibly can. A huge load. And I don’t flush or put the lid down. I go back to my room and wait. I stare at the clock and sit there giggling like Quagmire, exactly 28 minutes go by and whoooop There she goes, into the bathroom.
She was in there for exactly 6 seconds and came out. 7 minutes later she leaves.
Guess who isn’t getting any pussy.
What kind of evil genius/total nerd thinks to hide out in his own apartment for HOURS AND HOURS undetected, timing his bowel movements just right to completely shred about the porcelain throne just as his roommate’s slam piece was ready to take a wiz? This is absolute insanity, modern day evil genius.
Furthermore, this is the ABSOLUTE DEFINITION of ‘Petty Revenge’. The roommate was stealing baby wipes and tooth paste, things that aren’t exactly expensive but which hold value to the owner. So the dude got revenge in the most petty way possible: by storming a chick out of the apartment with his horrific bowel movements. A++ for effort and execution here.