Every so often a story comes along that makes you shake your head in disbelief, today that story is a Cornell University professor claiming that white people are inherently not cool, and black people are inherently cool. And based on that absolute truth, conservatives will lose the next U.S. Presidential Election, because white people aren’t cool enough.
Dexter Thomas is a teaching assistant this semester at Cornell University in the class ‘Asian 1104 “FWS: let’s talk about cool stuff, #swag”‘, a class being offered by Cornell’s Department of Asian Studies. Yesterday, Dexter Thomas wrote this piece for The Guardian titled ‘Why white people aren’t as cool as black people‘, in which he starts by claiming that everything President Obama does is ‘cool’, and quickly moves along to conservatives will lose the presidential race “because they’re white – and white people are not as cool as black people.” Aaaaaand he’s already lost all credibility.
First off, people LOATHE Obama. As of March 17th, President Obama’s approval rating was the highest it has been in TWO FULL YEARS. That approval rating was made up of only 33% of the country saying we’re headed in the right direction, while 54% said we’re headed in the wrong direction. Sure, ‘approval rating’ and ‘coolness’ are not the same thing. But you have to be living in some sort of a goddamn bubble to think that people perceive anything and everything that President Obama does as ‘cool’. Most of what he does (cough, interviews with BuzzFeed, cough) is straight up embarrassing, and couldn’t be construed as ‘cool’ even by the village idiot who thinks everything is awesome. Though finally dropping the embargo with Cuba is pretty awesome, I’d hardly describe such a move by President Obama as cool.
But let’s not harp on the fact that Mr. Obama is not cool. Let’s get back to the absolute GARBAGE that Professor Thomas was spewing in his article yesterday on The Guardian:
To be cool, you need to be part of a minority – not one so minor that it is invisible, but one that is easy for a lay person to imagine and understand. Also, it’s not enough that you reject the majority – it needs to reject you first.
In the United States, the most visible and easily understandable population of rejects is black people. This is why the bleeding edge of cool is always black (which is apt, because black people have been bleeding for centuries). When other minorities enter white spaces, reactions range from polite disinterest to hostility (when California’s first Muslim judge was appointed this year, people called him the “Jihadist Judge”). But when black people enter a white space, they’re cool by default. This is because for black people, even squares like Obama, being cool is completely effortless. Sometimes, it’s even unwanted.
Where is any of this garbage even coming from? Who let this fool open his mouth? ‘Rejects are cool, and black people are all rejects, so black people are the coolest’!?! This logic makes me want to choke some clarity back into this moron.
On the one hand, he’s just a ‘teaching assistant’, so chances are this moron is just a college-age kid who thinks he has the whole world figured out. But the reality of it is that ‘The Guardian’ just gave this kid a very large platform to spew completely made up bullshit. The Guardion (unlike BroBible) is not a blog. They don’t exist for authors to write about things on a whim, and inject their own opinions and ideas wherever they see fit. ‘The Guardian’ is a British newspaper that’s been around since 1821, and is responsible for pumping out NEWS.
Maybe this is just an elaborate scheme for this chump to troll the World Wide Web before he starts to send out job applications seeking to write for sites much like BroBible. If that’s the case, he’s done a VERY good job, because he’s tried to quantify ‘cool’ into something to do with race, which is absolute garbage.
There’s no science whatsoever in ‘Why white people aren’t as cool as black people’, it’s just Dexter Thomas spewing whatever he thinks to be true. It’s thought after thought from the mind of a teaching assistant about how white people are inherently not cool. He doesn’t even define what ‘cool’ is, he just claims that whatever it is white people are not that. Maybe if there were even basic criteria established for whatever the hell it is he’s trying to claim then his argument would hold up, but there’s not, so it doesn’t.
And it’s not that I’m mad about being called ‘not cool’ but some teacher’s assistant in Ithaca, it’s that some kid was given such a large platform (The Guardian) to stir up shit about both race and politics, without even having to qualify his assertions. I guess given the choice between ‘cool’ and ‘not cool’ I’d rather be on the cool side, but I’m at a place in life where I couldn’t really give two craps about what a Cornell T.A. deems as ‘cool’ (even though he has yet to state what ‘cool’ even is). There’s just NO BENEFIT whatsoever to this kid being allowed to publish this drivel aside from rustling jimmies for the sake of page views, but that’s the name of the game on the Internet. Hopefully he at least got paid for that article.
So congratulations to Dexter Thomas on successfully trolling the entire Internet. Your trolling skills are A++, and I’m sure you’ll make a great beat writer one day at some upstart blog that’s so edgy nobody’s even heard of it yet. And for the record, Matthew McConaughey beat out Neil deGrasse Tyson as ‘The Coolest Person of 2014‘ (I had to at least squeeze some sour grapes).
To read ‘Why white people aren’t as cool as black people’ by Dexter Thomas CLICK HERE to go to The Guardian.
[Tip of the hat to ‘The Pundit Press‘ for finding and sharing this story first]