In the video above we’ll see the largest heart ever preserved, the 400-pound heart of a blue whale sitting in a tank full of goop. Some of you will be grossed out by this, many of you won’t be at all phased by the sight of a 400-pound decomposing blue whale heart sitting in a tank full of goop like Neo before he was unplugged from The Matrix. The blue whale heart is so large that a human being could actually swim through the aorta, which is straight up insanity. Behold one of the most fascinating, disgusting specimens being preserved at the Royal Ontario Museum: a giant blue whale heart:
Maybe it’s the baker’s dozen worth of Moscow Mule’s I put back last night, but I have to admit that when she climbs into the tank and starts mucking around in the blue whale heart goop (probably formaldehyde, right?) my stomach wasn’t too pleased with me. And I know what you’re thinking “Bill Brasky‘s taken dumps bigger than that whale heart!”, but I’m here to tell you that you’re wrong. Bill Brasky has NOT taken dumps bigger than a blue whale heart. In fact, Bill Brasky’s not even real (sorry to break your heart), he’s just a made up Saturday Night Live character designed to keep up with the Chuck Norris jokes of yesteryear.
Unlike the fictional Bill Brasky who never actually wore live rattlesnakes as condoms, this 400-pound blue whale heart is real, and what weirds me out the most about seeing that massive 400-pound blue whale heart is that there are humans walking the earth who are bigger than that heart…I don’t know why, but that thought is very unsettling for me.