I knew a girl in college who took a shit in a frat house basement and clogged the toilet. With a line of people outside waiting to use the bathroom and not a single window in sight, she only had one option:
Scoop the poop up into a solo cup and make a mad dash to throw it outside.
And that’s exactly what she did. She dumped out her solo cup, scooped her pop up, hid it haphazardly underneath another solo cup, then made a mad dash up a flight of stairs and out the back door where she chucked her cup off the deck. No one was the wiser.
This story starts out similarly, but the ending to Redditor broderuno’s story is 500x more exciting:
This story begins on my girlfriend’s couch. She lived in a big house outside the city with her parents and we had been dating for around 2 months, so the relationship was great and we were in that phase were everything feels like eating an entire double cheese pepperoni pizza in the middle of the night while high or drunk (for vegans it’s like eating grass, i guess). Anyways, we’re cuddling and watching an episode of friends, when all of a sudden I feel it. It’s a fucking freight train sliding down my rectum and it won’t stop for nothing.
Just so you know, I’m the kind of person who just can’t take a shit unless I’m at my crib and there’s a good amount of silence. Public places and specially my girlfriend’s house is a big nope for me, but I just couldn’t hold this one any longer.
Fast forward to the part where I’m in the bathroom finishing my delivery (which went great, to tell you the truth). It was one of those shits for which you don’t need to wipe more than once because it’s too compact to leave anything behind and also let’s you get out of the bathroom in a very small amount of time, except this time the fucking toilet betrayed me and didn’t flush. The toilet’s tank had no water.
I turn on the hand washer and it works, so I start trying to fill the tank carrying water with my hands. It won’t work. I’m getting all the floor wet and it will take an eternity and a half. I’m panicking now. I don’t want this to be my first impression at her house and I’m running out of options. I tilt my face to the sky to pray for help and suddenly I see the light, which is passing through a small rectangular window near the ceiling. I open it, lift myself up and see that there are plants on the outside. Without thinking too much about the fucking risk, I grab my brown son and throw it out the window. Success! They won’t be able to smell it and it will also feed the plants, so as far as i’m concerned, i’m doing them a favor.
I wash my hands and head to the couch again, only to hear my girlfriend’s mother downstairs screaming my girlfriends name at the top of her voice and then shouting “both of you get the fuck over here!!!”. FUCK. As I follow her downstairs, my head’s panicking, I know something must have gone wrong with my shit but at the bottom of my heart I still have faith that maybe her mom is screaming about something else.
We find her mom standing besides the maid in the laundry patio (which is a room right beside the house with a sliding roof and a door that faces the garden where the maid does the laundry and hangs the clothes on sunny days) AND I SEE MY SHIT LYING ON TOP OF THE WASHING MACHINE. “What the fuck is this shit!!!” shouted the mother (that didn’t sound funny at the moment). Now I’m assuming the maid witnessed the whole thing and is in a state of shock. I look at GF’s mom and then at my girlfriend, who looks at me as if I’m a monster, I can see the love in her eyes gradually vanishing. My reaction to this situation is to turn around while saying “noooooooo no no no no” and head to the house entrance to get the fuck out of that place. My girlfriend shouts my name as I’m escaping, to which I responded “no no no no!!”. I run to my car, turn on the engine and book it as they are running out with a wtf face.
That was it. I wasn’t mature or intelligent enough to just say to my girlfriend that the fucking toilet wasn’t working and instead took the worst possible decision of my life.
I’ll upload a drawing of the house later so that you can understand better the layout of the house.
Went to my girlfriends bathroom to take a shit, toilet didn’t flush, decided to throw my shit out the window on some plants, landed on top of her family’s washing machine.