Ahh Arlington, Virginia. Land of the Bros. I’m from there and you won’t find a town with a denser collection of Bros anywhere in the world. There’s like 50,000 Bros living in a six-block radius. Sure, places like New York City have plenty of Bros, but they also have other kinds of guys like artists and steelworkers.
Almost every single dude who lives in Arlington graduated from James Madison University and works in consulting and LIVES for the weekend. Chugging beers with their boys. That’s what life is about.
And the Bro Bars. Oh, how Arlington has Bro Bars. Clarendon Grill. Spider Kelly’s. Arlington Rooftop. A-Town. Clarendon Ballroom. RiRa. God, that town is MADE for Bros.
So it’s no surprise you get quality Bro moments, like the one that happened this weekend. This tale comes from a Bro blacking out at Mister Daze (which we’ve all done). He got so drunk, though, that he wound up passed out, covered in vomit, in the dining room of a stranger’s house.
That’s gotta be unnerving for the homeowner. Honey, is this boy dead? From WTOP:
Police say a homeowner on the 700 block of N. Lincoln Street awoke around 2:00 a.m. Saturday, went downstairs to let his dog outside and discovered a man he did not known passed out on his dining room floor, covered in vomit.
The homeowner attempted, unsuccessfully, to wake the man up. He then called police.
“The subject was highly intoxicated and confused,” said Arlington County Police spokesman Dustin Sternbeck. “He was unable to stand on his own.”
His name is Matthew Needles, which is such a good Bro name. Bet everyone loves hanging with Needles. Seriously, he sounds like fun. Hope this doesn’t force him to change his ways.
The house he was found at was only a block from my old house. I wish it had happened to me.
Needles was also charged with destruction of property for ruining the rug he puked on.