SpaceX founder Elon Musk unveiled plans to send humans to Mars last week. The ambitious visionary wants to cut the travel time to Mars from six months to 80 days using an Interplanetary Transport System (ITS). The spacecraft would boast the most powerful rocket ever built and carry at least 100 people to the Red Planet per flight. During this epic voyage, people traveling to Mars may be enticed to join the 30 million mile club. But is sex in space even possible? We investigate to see if people can actually do some interstellar boning.
There has yet to be any recorded instances of astronauts having sex in space (There was the fictional NASA Document 12-571-3570 published in 1989, but it was determined to be a hoax). Last June, Pornhub laid out plans to make the first sex tape in space. They opened a campaign on Indiegogo to raise money. However, they came up short and only raised $236,086 of their goal of $3,400,000.
The main problem with having sex in space would be the lack of gravity. To illustrate the difficulties that would emerge from zero gravity we have enlisted the help of GIFs of the captivating Kate Upton floating in all of her grandeur.
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Professor Anja Geitmann, Dean of the Department of Plant Sciences at McGill University in Montreal, who has done significant research on sex in space, told the Daily Mail that the main issue would be “for the partners to try to remain in physical proximity, since one can’t rely on gravity to push one partner against the other.”
So basically in space, everyone would be a one-pump chump because one thrust would send your partner spiraling into the Andromeda galaxy.
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The good professor did have a workaround for this obstacle. “The challenges are purely mechanical,” Geitmann said. “Straps and a sleeping bag, or simply a confined space with soft walls might be all that’s necessary.” Not very romantic and tell me exacly how three individuals are expected to perform the Eifel Tower sex position in a sleeping bag? Not happening.
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Another problem that would arise or literally not arise would be difficulty getting an erection for the man. Zero gravity would make it much harder for blood to flow regularly.
On Earth, gravity pulls the blood towards the lower part of the body. In space, where there is no gravity, blood goes to the chest and head, causing astronauts to have puffy faces and bulging blood vessels in their necks. So your one-eyed wonder weasel might not get enough blood to give a full salute.
Lastly, let’s talk about finishing. The cleanup would be rather messy. Let’s say you had space sex in the bathroom of the Interplanetary Transport System, your cock chowder would float around and possibly get into the cabin. Not very sanitary.
So don’t get too excited about space travel because it seems like space sex isn’t really out of this world.
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