Church Shuts Down After Pastor Basically Called All Women ‘Penis Homes’

by 4 years ago
Penis Home

YouTube


Washington Evangelical Church Mars Hill, a megachurch with fifteen locations in the Pacific Northwest, is closing up shop after its pastor said some amazingly dumb things about women.

Pastor Mark Driscoll is under investigation for misusing church funds, acting like a dictator in the church, and calling women a “penis home” for men. Here’s how Driscoll explained this logic in passages written under a pseudonym back in 2001.

“The first thing to know about your penis is, that despite the way it may see, it is not your penis. Ultimately, God created you and it is his penis. You are simply borrowing it for a while.

While His penis is on loan you must admit that it is sort of just hanging out there very lonely as if it needed a home, sort of like a man wondering the streets looking for a house to live in. Knowing that His penis would need a home, God created a woman to be your wife and when you marry her and look down you will notice that your wife is shaped differently than you and makes a very nice home.”

So many questions! My penis is looking for a home. Is there a classified section I can check out? Are there open houses for penis homes? Another question is “what if your penis doesn’t have a home?” and to that point “what if your penis wants to move into a home owned by another man?” Luckily, Driscoll has an answer.

Therefore, if you are single you must remember that your penis is homeless and needs a home. But, though you may believe your hand is shaped like a home, it is not. And, though women other than your wife may look like a home, to rest there would be breaking into another man’s home. And, if you look at a man it is quite obvious that what a homeless man does not need is another man without a home.

Well, that clears it all up. I guess I’ll be around the Times Square area for a while with a funny sign about my dick being homeless.

Driscoll also chastised a female parishioner “for not bending to her husband’s will” and told her to apologize to him with a knob slobbing.

H/T Death and Taxes


TAGSReligion