Texas Bro Puts Ad On Craigslist Seeking A Homeless Girl Who Wants A Place To Live. You Know, As Long As She Swallows.



Lonely people do some desperate shit, but looking to take in a homeless girl to kinda/sorta be your live-in girlfriend is about as desperate as it gets. Makes you question how real this Craigslist post is, because there are plenty of non-homeless chicks you can probably get to do this, so why is this guy starting from the gutter?

Per the ad on Craigslist:

I work in the oilfield (mid 20’s) and have no time to date so I’m looking for a homeless girl that wants a place to stay . You do not need to work just cook clean and bedroom fun. I want someone I can chill with watch movies with and play PS4 with and gamer girls are a plus. You go from the streets to a big comfortable bed , hot bubble baths , and good food and a person to cuddle with on the couch. I want a girl to take to movies walks in the park , and to share hot coco with when the winter comes. You must be drug free and willing to stay that way. I have a high sex drive and love to cuddle. If this sounds like something you would be willing to try please send a couple pics to prove you are real and put the word “Home” in the title. You must swallow. I am real and it has been a little rainy lately, in fact it’s raining right now and all weekend!! Any RACE is fine under 25 preferred. Any older than that and you’ll come with an attitude and blame me for your situation…..!! Hope to hear from you soon. Thanks

I almost believed this ad. ALMOST. That was until my affinity for real estate porn kicked in and I looked at the rest of the photos of his “alleged” apartment. You’re a man in your mid-20s and these are photos of your apartment, you say? BULLSHIT, junior. No way in hell your place is this buttoned up. I can believe you own basic things and your place is sort of nice, but men of a certain age, especially those soliciting homeless chicks on Craigslist, don’t buy unnecessary decorations for their pad. So let’s break down what’s wrong here.

His Kitchen:


So much going on here but the red flags are the incense vase on the stove top, the ceramic fruit blow tree in the corner, and the bowl of wicker balls on top of the fridge. A BOWL OF WICKER FUCKING BALLS. Christ.

His Bathroom:


I can almost look past the re-fillable soap dispenser, but the flower cornucopia on the counter and elaborate hand towel arrangement I see in the mirror have me questioning if this guy just pulled these from model photos on his apartment building’s website. Which I’m almost certain he did.

His Bedroom:

Is this supposed to be his bedroom or his guest bedroom? I have no idea but the closet is empty and that fucking comforter is shameful…

If this is his real apartment then I can’t understand why he has trouble meeting chicks. This place is a woman’s dream. But there is no way in hell this is his. If I’m wrong, I’ll eat one of his fake plants. Pretend soil and all.

[H/T Reader Email]

BroBible Newsletter - The best sports and culture news directly to your inbox

* indicates required