Cross Country Runner Gets Absolutely Obliterated By A Deer Who Sprinted Out Of The Woods

Poor cross country kids. First their parents force them to play a sport and then nature was like “ya bad idea.” All these kids wanted was a letterman jacket with a sport on the back so they wouldn’t be sitting alone at lunch like Stephen Glansberg and have a shot getting a date to the formal. No one really wants to run. Running in other sports is just means to an end. Just as I wouldn’t drink O’Doul’s unless it would get me blind drunk, I wouldn’t run unless I could score a basket or a touchdown. Regardless, this kid needs to quit. Now. I don’t know much but I do know that if a deer comes out of nowhere and bundles you, in any situation, change your plans. God is speaking. Listen up.

P.S. I have nothing against cross country athletes. I genuinely think running long distance is the hardest thing a human can do. I just hate on things that I can’t do to make myself feel better. Also, fuck making a girl cum. Shit’s for the birds.