We are barely, barely in the earliest stage of the 2016 presidential primaries (not even the actually election, just the primaries), and it’s already beyond apparent that this will go down as the most frustratingly lengthy experience humanity has ever endured. The fucking transition from simple eukaryotic cells to full-fledged mammals will seem like a damned breeze.
The Iowa caucuses aren’t even until February. February. It’s hot as balls July, and here we are being forced to listen to the racist, ravings of not one but like eight lunatics who are firmly well aware they have no actual chance of finishing anywhere close to twentieth in any state primary, but are more than happy to let the media treat them as viable candidates and report on their shameless, dickface utterances as though they were enforceable Monroe Doctrines for the future of this nation.
Thankfully, at least one citizen is taking the presidential election as unseriously as it deserves to be taken at this stage. A good man filed with the FEC for ‘Deez Nuts‘ to run for president in 2016.
Deez Nuts is from Wallingford Iowa, and at this part of the process, he already has my full support.
Vote Deez Nuts. No, really.
He’s seriously the third-best candidate in the field. I have Jeb and Hillary above him, but only slightly and just default, because we haven’t heard Deez Nuts speak yet. Who else would you have ahead of him?
You think Bernie Sanders is a better international negotiator than Deez Nuts? You think Marco Rubio is smarter? Deez Nuts sure as shit has better name recognition than Lincoln Chafee or Bobby Jindal or Carly Fiorina.
In fact, Deez Nuts just may be what this country deserves right now. A fucking sweaty sac reeking of poorly wiped shit. Why not? That’s basically what this summer of candidates is.