This Dude Who Proposed To A (Kinda Hot) Woman He Met On Instagram Within Seconds Of Meeting Her Sums Up 2016

This is going to be the most 2016 thing I’ve ever written.

To prepare, I must put on my ironic t-shirt and go get a Venti Cappa Gamma from Starbucks, sign up for Soul Cycle, and hurl some personal insults (preferably homophobic) at strangers on Facebook who don’t align with my political beliefs. All while constantly wondering if this ‘Make America Great Again’ hat is still funny or if it’s played out and I should take it off and be more aware of when they’re laughing with me and when at me. Such an important distinction.

So now that I’m fully equipped for 2016, I’m confident that I can calmly handle the news of a couple who met on Instagram getting married the second they met in person a year later.

*picks up lamp. Begins crow hop*

According to Daily Mail,

A Californian mother-of-three married the man of her dreams only seconds after meeting him for the first time in person on Friday.

Erica Harris, 36, of Murrieta, and Arte Vann, of Earlton, New York, spontaneously met on Instagram in March of last year, using pages they have both since deleted.

Vann bought a one-way plane ticket to the Ontario International Airport on Friday and shortly after he landed the two lovebirds laid eyes on each other for the first time.

Moments later, they exchanged vows.

After being together for just three days, they say they are madly in love.

Very 2016, no? Even threw in the Biblical quote to let us all know they got God’s blessing. Savagely egotistical move.

Well it gets more 2016. Like hating Bill Cosby 2016.

She invited CBS News to film the event as a gift to her new mother-in-law, who wouldn’t be there.

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Yo if you’re inviting a camera crew to film a wedding proposal and you don’t know this dude from a hole in the wall, you’re either the craziest or baddest motherfucker on the planet. On a certain level, I gotta give respect–knowing me I’ll be swiping right on Tinder at the alter. I’ll never be sure. Camera crews and vows upon first encounter is absurdly, incomprehensibly aggressive, but cap tip for the commitment. 

Erica’s Instagram page now says she is married to the ‘the man of her dreams’ and Arte’s says he is married to ‘the love of his life’.

P.S. I bet their foreplay is just them liking each other’s Instagram pics. Prove me wrong.

P.P.S. Yo Arty, make yourself at home. The carpet lay down position before even learning the kids’ names is criminal.

Good thing you got that whole God thing going for you, because you’re going to need his blessing. All 457 Instagram likes of them.

[h/t Daily Mail]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.