Dude’s Tinder Pickup Line Is Suave But He Has Zero Success Because Chicks Are Weird, Man


In the online dating realm, you are only as good as the gimmick you employ. Most of us dudes are just average looking bros so typically our five best pictures aren’t enough to intrigue the common woman–with their long hair and unrealistic standards. Psh. They are unaware of the intangibles–our sharp wit, deep, manly voices, and our extremely average penises. Five pictures to encapsulate all that makes us us is a fucking joke. We deserve at least seven.

Before I hit you with the story you clicked on this link to read, let me show you bros the gimmick I used on Bumble. You can have this, as I’ve swiped through every girl in New York City and at this point I’m just repeating the same joke to an empty auditorium.

Fish in a barrel, bros. Trust the single guy with a masturbation problem.

Anyhoo, this dude came up with what I would consider a very clever Tinder pickup line to break down those awkward barriers to entry and separate himself from the inevitable droves of men sending her “Sup?” messages or pictures of their yogurt slingers. His creativity was not rewarded….

Chicks, man. Chicks.

[h/t LADbible]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.