I’m Actually Feeling A Bit Left Out For Not Getting Invited To This Fatty Fight On A Boat During A Yacht Club Regatta

There are two unbreakables when it comes to fighting. 1) No shirt no shoes and 2) It doesn’t count if someone doesn’t capture it on video. Honestly, thank God for smartphones. Now pretty much every fight counts at least in some way, shirts or no shirts. Because, no matter how scraped up you get, there’s no way to truly prove you got in a fight unless there’s video evidence. You could have fallen down the stairs or headbutt your bathroom mirror. Or, more likely, you could have headbutt the bathroom mirror, become disoriented with your now bleeding head wound and then fell down the stairs. See, this is why you need video evidence. Anyone that just assumed that you got in a fight just got made an ass out of.

So these drunk idiots on a rental boat participating in the Cambridge Yacht Club Annual Fun Regatta really should be pretty thankful to a separate group of boaters who recorded their entire fight for them.

The brawlers were pretty grateful, though:

Honestly, that was a pretty dope fight. I’m legitimately upset I wasn’t invited. Those dudes aren’t even that big. Just a few too many years of having Bud Heavys instead of milk with their Rice Krispies. I could do that. Hell, I’ll start having Bud Heavys and Rice Krispies for three meals a day if it means I’m allowed to be recorded participating in arguably the whitest fight on earth. Because only a white person could be hanging out on an expensive speed boat during a fucking regatta and think “Man, this is way too simple. Let’s muck it up by beating each other up and nearly capsizing our rental speedboat.” It’s just how white people think. Nothing is too easy for a white person to make complicated. It’s really impossible.