Florida Chick Crashes Her Car While Topless Before Trying To Bang The Responding Police Officer

Another barn burner of a story out of none other than the Sunshine State bros! The star of this shit show is Jamie Schmude.

The 30-year-old mother crashed her car in city of Stuart, Florida on November 24th and when police showed up, they were in for a treat. When an officer peered into the car (which officers claim reeked of booze), Ms. Schmude was topless and her unbuttoned jeans were lowered to her thighs, according to TC Palm. She could not make out a coherent sentence.

Martin County Fire Rescue workers took Schmude to the hospital, where she yelled and screamed at nurses and was “causing a big scene,” the affidavit states. After about 20 minutes of yelling, Schmude fell asleep.

She then “woke up several times and belched loudly which emitted the very strong odor of alcohol,” the report states.

Upon waking up and a few belches later, the classy lady asked where she was. The officer replied that she had gotten into a car accident, to which she said she’s ‘always getting into trouble.’

That set the scene for this juicy bit. Ms. Schmude then turned to the officer and said:

“You are the sexiest thing I’ve seen, I’m going to (engage in a highly sexual act with you),” Schmude, of Stuart, is quoted as telling the deputy.

She started biting her lower lip, moaning and staring at the deputy while thrusting her hand in an area where hands are not typically thrust in public.

“This act took place at least three times,” the affidavit states.

No word on whether the officer gave her the D after her incessant offerings, but what is clear is that Jamie is humiliated with her actions. She took to Facebook masquerading as a fox to apologize or something.

[h/t TC Palm]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.