Florida Man Seeking to Marry His Smut-Filled Computer Encountering Some Resistance from the Courts

A Florida man’s quest to legally marry his porn-filled laptop computer was dealt a major blow after his motion was thrown out by a judge.

Chris Sevier filed the motion to intervene on a federal lawsuit (James Domer Brenner et al., v.Rick Scott) that seeks for Florida to recognize gay marriages performed elsewhere. Sevier claims in the motion that if gay men and women can marry “even if they lack corresponding sexual parts,” then he should be able to marry his laptop, which he says is his “preferred sexual object.”

But wait. It gets better.

… Sevier said that before purchasing the MacBook he had never seen pornography, but stumbled upon it when he mis-typed “Facebook.com” in the search bar and has since developed an addiction that has ruined his marriage.

Oh, that is totally believable. One has to imagine thousands of lives have been destroyed in a similar manner. One minute you’re attempting to re-connect with your old homeroom teacher and the next you’re maxing out credit cards for a litany of members-only sites. Tale as old as time.

While I disagree with Sevier’s lifestyle, I’m not sure I agree with the judge’s assessment that this motion was not based in reality. After all, we all saw Her. And I’d also wager that that millions of American males’ healthiest sexual relationship is with a computer.

But hey, if it’s not going to become legal in Florida, it’s probably not going to become legal anywhere.

[H/T: Orlando Sentinel]