These Food Pyramids For Different Stages Of Life Are Agist As Hell, And Not At All Accurate

The folks at Some E Cards think they know which way is up. They think they know what you, me, my grandmother, and every brunch loving millennial are eating every day.

I think they’re wrong. Sure, grandma needs a few hundred daily pills to survive and sure people in college drink the fuck out of light beer, but I don’t do ANYTHING they listed in the 30 – 41 pyramid. Losers eat that shit. Losers and slobs. Office cake? FUCK YOU! Not in this body. Not in this lifetime. Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! And ain’t no winner ever ate anything off of these fucking bullshit loser food pyramids!!!

Sorry. I blacked out. Did I just plagiarize an entire quote from the critically acclaimed movie Rocky Balboa? I did, didn’t I? Ah well, if I know Sly like I think I do, he’ll be flattered.

J.Camm is the Managing Partner and Editor-in-Chief of BroBible.