The most neglected part of Christmas is almost always the box (and the cornbread stuffing, seriously, that shit is gross). But no one loves the box. While it contains exactly what you want, it is almost immediately discarded upon opening. Boxes, trashed.
Okay. This entendre is tortured. Apologies. Let’s move on. I was using box as slang for vagina. Did you not get it? You know, chatches?
They have it rough. They are overworked, taxed and waxed, constantly pounded. Not unlike the treatment of a UPS package. Hasn’t every women’s vagina had enough? Doesn’t it deserve a facial, and not in the you shooting sperm all over it kind, but rather in the more relaxing mud mask variety?
Yes, yes it does. Which is why a salon in New York City is offering “vaginal facials.” From The New York Post:
The famous J Sisters, the Brazilian sisters who brought the Brazilian bikini wax to New York … are about to launch a new service — the “Vagina Facial.”
We are told the J Sisters, who have been waxing women at their Midtown salon for more than two decades and were even mentioned in a 2000 “Sex and the City” episode, are this week launching “Gommage Therapy,” which according to those in the know is: “a facial type thing for the area ‘down there,’ and helps deal with cosmetic issues including ingrown hairs.”
Gommage is a form of exfoliation used during facials, but is not known for being employed on more, ahem, intimate areas.
Sick. I’m tired of women’s vaginas not being given the same luxe, bourgie treatments that the rest of women’s bodies get.
This is a big day for the vaginas’ rights movement.