This Green-Haired Eyewitness Describing The Scene Of A Car Wreck Needs A Hollywood Agent Immediately;;playerWidth=640;playerHeight=400;isShowIcon=true;clipId=11584571;flvUri=;partnerclipid=;adTag=News;advertisingZone=;enableAds=true;landingPage=;islandingPageoverride=false;playerType=STANDARD_EMBEDDEDscript; – Jackson, MS

I’m kind of a shitty person but I’m not usually one to take joy in a car wreck. That is unless no one was seriously injured and this green-haired superstar was painting the scene. Every car wreck deserves a talent of this magnitude. If this dude is this charismatic talking about a police car wrapping itself around a tree, imagine him making poop jokes on stage. May quit this blogging gig right now and become his agent. I’ll pay in pieces of Burger King burgers.

There are only two eyewitness accounts that even hold a candle to this savage:

Ok, carry on with your day.

[H/T Barstool]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.