Congresswoman Indicted For Money Laundering Says The Orlando Shooting Occurred Because Authorities Were Investigating Her

When I was a freshman in college, my dad took me to the city in order to sit in on the ruling for a case against this woman named Melissa King (no relation). The chick had been in charge of the book for my dad’s union and, during her tenure, had cooked them to her benefit and stolen millions from their retirement fund. She’d use the money to buy her daughter horseback riding lesson, a new car, a new house etc. etc. On the day of the ruling, this chick shows up with a cane and sunglasses, saying she has a spinal injury and is unable to see because of stress. Then she said the government was painting her in a bad light. And, due to all the manipulating, she only got like six years in prison and she didn’t need to return the money because, “It was all gone.”

And that kind of pissed me off. For one reason, the more money she took out of my dad’s retirement fund, the less money I’m getting in the will. Fuck that, I’m a blogger, not a millionaire. For another, this chick essentially did nothing legal and was able to get off because she had a cane and sunglasses? Plus, she had been friends with all the guys in the union, collecting their dues and writing them Christmas cards. And she got away with just stealing from them because she “didn’t mean it.” That’s bananas. No wonder OJ got off. So I kind of understand the angle that Congresswoman Corrine Brown was playing by trying to blame the Orlando shooting on the agents who were wasting time on her case as opposed to investigating Omar Mateen.

Via Buzzfeed:

“Democratic Rep. Corrine Brown of Florida suggested on Friday that, if agents investigating her had instead spent their time investigating the man who killed 49 people at an Orlando nightclub in June, the massacre could have been prevented.

“These are the same agents that was not able to do a thorough investigation of the agent, and we ended up with 50 people dead,” Brown said, referring to Omar Mateen.

Brown made the comments after being indicted on charges that she and her chief of staff used a college scholarship fund as a “personal slush fund.”

Brown’s lawyer, Elizabeth White, made a similar remark following the indictment.

“Perhaps had it chosen to devote its resources more thoughtfully, 50 innocent people would be alive today,” White said of the government, according to a report from local outlet First Coast News.”

I’m glad all the media outlets wore their flame retardant suits because that is the hottest take I’ve ever heard. That’d be like if someone got arrested for breaking and entering on April 19th, 1995 and tried to get off by blaming the Oklahoma City Bombing on the arresting officer. That’s not even really an equally weighted analogy. I can’t even come up with one, really.

Brown, however, didn’t stop there. She threw all caution to the wind and went one step further from the Orlando shooting and compared her indictment to the deaths of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile.


“Brown likened her situation to the recent police shooting deaths of two black men in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and St. Paul, Minnesota, and the deaths of five Dallas police officers during a protest march Thursday night.

“Last week was very rough,” Brown wrote. “Two black men were needlessly gunned down by police; five Dallas police officers were slain by a demented man; and on Friday I had to appear in federal court.”

Calling the indictment “very scary,” Brown said her “spirit remains unbroken.”

“My conscience is clear because I’m innocent,” she wrote. “I’m not the first black elected official to be persecuted, and, sad to say, I won’t be the last.”

She asked her constituents to keep an open mind.

“An indictment is an accusation. Anybody can make an accusation,” Brown wrote. “You’ve heard the prosecutor’s side, but you still have not heard the rest of the story.””

This woman is like an oil pocket in the middle of the ocean that caught fire. Just a recently discovered and never-ending well of the hottest takes on the Internet. I’m surprised she hasn’t brought up ISIS yet. “These prosecutors are wasting time with me, who did nothing, when they could be arming themselves and chasing down ISIS in the Middle East.” You  want to know the difference between Alton Sterling and Philando Castile? They were shot dead. She’s alive and in a courtroom.

Honestly, I don’t hate her logic here. Just pile as much blame on them for the ills of the world until you eventually find one that sticks. “I’m not sure if everyone is aware, but I know for certain that some of these jurors were involved in the 9/11 terrorist attacks. And they sit here and try and judge me, an innocent women just trying to make some money on the side. It’s like when Rosa Parks was thrown in jail for not moving her seat. She was just tired. I am too tired to keep fighting for money that I earned when I can get it from hoodwinked donors.”