The 5 Types Of Bars You Visit For Happy Hour And What They Say About You


The grind of a corporate workweek is enough to shake even the most hardened of men to their very core. A man can only take so much Ctrl+C/Ctrl+V-ing and awkward elevator conversation before he is face to face with the deep end and his own sanity is coming into question. Fortunately, for every spreadsheet and pointless email that comes your way throughout the workweek, there are equally as many frosty adult beverages with your name on them.

The Ol’ College Watering Hole

Where- your former go to college bar.

Ah, the old stomping grounds. Not a damn thing has changed, well, nothing except your waistline and the number of hair follicles on your head. That corner table is still a bit wobbly from that time your buddy Joey tried to slam dunk a beer pong ball, and that bathroom that you may or may not have had sex in (twice) is still as dirty as ever. God, it’s good to back. Only real question now is are you gonna drink more dollar drafts or smooch more babes? Kind of a trick question when both answers are a zillion.

The Local Dive Bar

Where- Your current go to spot. Most likely anything that sounds like it would have been the hottest bar in town circa 1764. i.e. “The Tavern” or “O’Malley’s.”

The local dive bar is probably where you spend most of your happy hours and why the hell wouldn’t you? It’s close, the booze is cheap, and the bartender knows you well. So well in fact, they know that it was you who pissed all over the bathroom last week when you were blackout drunk. So, ipso facto, they know you better than you know yourself. When you venture in here before 7pm things tend to get weird, real weird.

The Chain Restaurant

Where- Applebee’s, Buffalo Wild Wings, Chili’s.

Fell for the old co-worker after work happy hour, huh? Time to bite the bullet, bud. Chances are you don’t want to be here and neither do they. Nothing boosts workplace morale like an overpriced draft beer and a half slab of ribs. Make sure you stick to that one beer limit you promised yourself though, or that drunk “6” you go home with at the end of the night will be Tina from down the hall and that awkward Monday morning conversation will be all the more worse.

The Hotel Bar

Where- The Marriot, Embassy Suites, Hilton Garden Inn, the hotel tiki bar.

You’re walking on thin ice my friend. Sandwiching a happy hour in between a vacation brunch and a night on the town is a bold move if I’ve ever seen one. Play your cards right and you’re going home with a dime piece from a different city that otherwise you’d have no business getting with. Drop the ball, and you’ll vomit on the side of a cop car and spend the night in central booking.

The Wine Bar

Where- The ritzy part of town.

So you decided to grow a pair and ask out that girl you met the other day. Smooth move. I see you opted to go the weekday drinks route. We got an original Casanova on our hands, you guys. You think she’s a wham, bam, thank you ma’am, or a three date type of gal? Either way, I’d go with the second or third cheapest bottle on the menu. She won’t know the difference and you’ll look like T. Boone Pickens with your spending habits. Oldest trick in the book.

[Image via ShutterStock]