I’m currently on day 27 of 30 of a no masturbation challenge. It’s the longest I’ve gone without cranking it in my storied 15 year history of waxing the (baby) carrot. Save your applause. My point is, for the first week especially, everything I looked at morphed into something sexual. My body was starved of a sexual release and tried to tried to trick my mind into making a bad decision. Have you ever thought your couch had a nice ass? My head was in a weird place for a while. Tricky dick.
I thought I was going crazy when I saw this hotel sign for an in-room safe and wondered why it pictured a dude getting blown on a love seat. That is, until I learned that thousands of people thought the same thing. What you see below will immediately let you know if you’re a sexual degenerate.
Welcome to the club, bro. I’d shake your hand, but…
If you think that was a sham, check out some of these optical illusions to get a better understanding of just how thirsty you are.
Tits. Bottom line.
Still would.
Nothing tastes better than an ice cold cock. I mean. Coke. COKE!
Please turn to page 69.
Can you still consider it a threesome if they’re conjoined twins?
Disney dick.
Yo, that’s your dad.
I need a shower.
[h/t Metro]