If You Can Make Her Laugh, You’re In: Why Funny Bros Are the Best Bros

by 4 years ago
Comedy Central Night Of Too Many Stars - Show

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You guys can call bullshit on this all you want, but if given the opportunity between dating a really attractive guy and a really funny guy. I would choose the funny one—Every. Single. Time.

To put this into perspective, I’m going to say, wholeheartedly, that I’d be more likely to date Louis C.K. than Zayn Malik (who is arguably the most beautiful human on the planet).

For those of you who live under a rock, and may not be able to conjure an immediate visual of both these men, please refer to Google images. “No homo,” but you gotta admit that while Zayn is a hard 10, Louis is roughly a soft 4.

Here’s the thing though; I don’t give a shit. Anyone can be hot! It’s not that difficult. In fact, it’s not difficult at all. Being attractive is single-handedly the fastest way to guarantee a better quality of life. Please don’t feed me the, “Well attractive men and women have a hard time getting people to take them seriously,” line. Puh-lease…cry me a river. “It must be so hard to have perfect bone structure and gleaming blue eyes,” said no one, literally, ever.

Attractiveness is a blessing, but at the end of the day, that blessing fades (and sags, a lot). Having sex with a really good looking guy is awesome, but what happens when that’s over? What happens after the cigarette is smoked and you’ve retrieved your underwear from across the room?

Are you going to have deep, philosophical conversations? Are you going to talk about the current economic climate of The United States? I mean I guess that’s better than dealing with a fucking moron, but frankly, I want to laugh. I want witty banter. I want someone with a sense of humor. Point blank.

Sex is enjoyable (or at least, it should be), but you can’t just have sex with someone all-the-damn-time. Can you? I mean sure, logistically that’s the premise of a fuck-buddy, but you know what’s better than a regular fuck buddy? A FUNNY fuck-buddy.

Now humor is subjective, so I can’t possibly say why women find funny guys attractive. For instance, I cannot stand “stupid-humor.” I define “stupid-humor,” as the shit that would come out of a seventh-grader’s mouth. Farting, falling down, and using, “your mom,” as an insult doesn’t do it for me, but that works for a lot of girls. It adds an element of light-heartedness to certain guys that makes up for any sort of less-than-appealing physical trait. I however, am a sucker for self-deprecating, deeply sarcastic, dark, inappropriate humor. If I’m laughing while simultaneously calling you an awful human being, you’re a winner in my book. It’s all about the type of girl you’re dealing with, but I can guarantee you this, there isn’t a single girl on the planet who doesn’t like to laugh. If you come across one….just run…in the opposite direction…for as long as you can until she’s just a little blip in the background. I suggest this because she most likely has a freezer full of human heads.

We live in a really superficial world. I understand that. If any super-hot guy is reading this, don’t worry, you’re not going to have a shortage of vagina in your life. That will never change. We’re carnal creatures, we like pretty things, muscly things, blah blah blah, but there’s something so innately refreshing about laughter. It’s one of the only things that can alleviate sadness, anger, grief, and guilt within mere minutes (aside from alcohol and pharmaceuticals). Coincidentally, laughter is also one of the only known things that will diffuse a woman trying to rip-your-fucking-head-off. Seriously, if your girlfriend is mad at you, make her laugh. It’s that simple.

I know a lot of people suggest that humor can’t be learned, but I think it can be! Comedic timing can’t be learned, that’s just natural instinct. However, I think that it’s possible for you un-funny guys out there to actively enhance your joke-game. Watch a lot of stand-up comedy, rent a shit-ton of Judd Apatow movies, marathon some episodes of Family Guy and South Park. Do whatever it takes to at least be able to rustle a giggle out of girl; because I promise you, it’s the fastest way to stand out in a crowd of Zac Efron-looking-dudes.

And to all of you naturally funny guys out there, every dog has its day, and while you may be overlooked right now for every chiseled-douche in a pair of Sperry’s, you’ll win the end game.