A VERY IMPORTANT Message Regarding The Facebook Privacy Message, Brought To You By Your Annoying Facebook Friend

Um did you guys see Mark Zuckerfuck in the Social Network? He was a world-class DICK–screwing over his best friend, allowing his staff to smoke marijuana out of a bong-smoking device, and I’m pretty sure he fucked a chicken or something IDK.

With this knowledge of Zuckerherb being a disloyal, chicken-fucking drug kingpin, WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU TRUST HIM WITH THE PICTURES OF YOUR LEAN CUISINE!? You wouldn’t bro, wake up. There is absolutely no telling what he’ll do with all your super-important Facebook posts about Kim Davis and calling a stranger a “pussy” in the BroBible comment section. Knowing Zuckerdick, he’ll probably sell that information to Osama Bin Laden BECAUSE HE’S ALIVE DUDE WAKE UP THE GOVERNMENT IS OUT TO GET US!

Look at Mark Zuckertits doing interviews with his two eyes, a nose and a mouth. You know who else had two eyes, a nose and a mouth?? HITLER, BRO. SMELL THE ROSES.

That’s why it’s ESSENTIAL for all Facebook users to copy and paste the below statement written by some child-tickler in his grandparents basement into our own statuses if we want to avoid Mark Zuckercock shoving ‘Like’ thumb up our rectums by stealing our information, our imaginary girlfriends, and our collection of pogs.


Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to pick up 839 rolls of toilet paper for the alien invasion on October 23, 2025. I have a lot of jerking off to Hentai porn to do between now and then.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.