The Internet Was Asked For A List Of ‘Bro Rules’ And What They Came Up With Was Actually Good

by 3 years ago
bro rules

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Rather than the usual tales of horror or sexual deviance yesterday Redditor WhatsTheMatterMcFly asked a question ear and dear to our hearts here at BroBible.

The question? “What are some ‘Bro’ rules?

Of course we already have a set of like a jillion of these over on the BroTips section of our site, but we’re never against learning a few new ones.

Let’s see what they came up with and if they’re any good.

Should one of your bros die lifting weights, it is mandatory that all other bros present have to add at least 100lbs to the set that killed him before the cops show up. ~ HopelesslyLibra

My older brother died 2 months ago. As soon as we received his items from the police, I threw his phone in the garbage and cleared his computer at the wake. You’re welcome bruh. ~ iamBazzy

I occasionally run into my roommate’s parents in public. “Yeah, I was trying to get him to game with me last night but he was just too intent on doing his homework! He has been trying to get his grades up like y’all want”

Next day he gets a call from them and I hear muffled laughter. Works every time. ~ Animoose

You can take the last beer or you can take the last slice of pizza. But taking both is just plain selfish. ~ SnowHesher

Player 1 goes to the one that owns the console, same goes for the good controller. ~ -eDgAR-

I think one of the biggest bro rules of all time is to not screw around with one of bro’s GF’s, whether it be an ex or current GF. ~ PugEmpire

Article 5-Whether he cares about sports or not, a bro cares about sports.

Article 15-A bro never dances with his hands above his head.

Article 26-Unless he has children, a bro shall not wear his cell phone on a belt clip.

Article 28-A bro will, in a timely manner, alert his bro to the existence of a girl fight.

Article 30-A bro doesn’t comparison shop.

Article 31-When on the prowl, a bro hits on the hottest chick first because… you just never know.

Article 38-Even in a fight to the death, a bro never punches another bro in the groin.

Article 39-When a bro gets a chicks number, he waits at least 96 hours before calling her.

Article 45-A bro never wears jeans to a strip club.

Article 65-A bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks among bros.

Article 75-A bro automatically upgrades another bros job status when introducing him to a chick.

Article 150-No sex with your bros ex. ~ ActualBarneyStinson

Don’t blow a fuse if your bro tells you the truth. Don’t just start raging and insulting him because no one else will ever tell you the truth. ~ Smooth_guy

If a bro comes to you with a problem or confession he can’t handle on his own, listen to him. Don’t mock. The phrase “Christ, that’s rough” may be appropriate here. Then help him plan solution/revenge/next-steps.

Next time it may be you, and he’ll hold you up. ~ akaioi

You are required to high five fellow bros for doing anything sexual and consensual with a woman. ~ Zephandrypus

If you’re in a club and one of your bro’s girlfriend is clearly being hit on persistently by someone, then its your duty to go over and intervene. ~ tshandgrenade

Never ask for gas money for a ride unless the ride exceeds the distance of 20 miles. ~ throwinmethataway

If a bro (or even just some random guy) asks for a condom, you give it to him.

The only time it’s okay to consider to say no if it’s your last condom and you think you’ll need it today. ~ tombue

When your bro’s girlfriend inquires about his whereabouts you know nothing, always. ~ throwinmethataway

A bro shall never start a sentence with ‘hashtag.’ ~ Cwell280

If you try to high-five each other and miss, just let it go. Trying a second time is like holding hands. ~ SnowHesher

Your favorite beer is free, your second favorite beer is cold. No hitching about the beer a bro is offering you free of charge. ~ Puplis

And this guy came up with a list of 50 things he calls The Brostitution, here are the first 10…

1) You must always have your bro’s back. No exceptions.

2) When your bro’s girlfriend inquires about his whereabouts you know nothing, always.

3) You are only obligated to wingman for one bro per social event; after that, the bro is on his own.

4) When a bro designates you as his wingman, you may not fail him. This is the most important role a bro may play for a bro. It is not be violated or debauched.

5) You must always do whatever is in your power to stop a bro from soiling himself with a poor looking girl—unless the bro is able to stand up, look you in the eye, and articulate that he is to a decent extent sober. Then you are absolved of any responsibility.

6) When a bro pays for all the alcohol for an occasion himself, this must be made known to all present and made out to be the greatest feat ever observed in human history. A bro may skip out on kicking in for beer if he has done this recently.

7) A bro must always respect another bro’s car, house, and parents.

8) Love thy father and mother. A bro will never ever get with a bro’s biological mother or sister. Stepsisters and stepmothers are fair game. This article is subject to the All’s Fair Clause.

9) When a bro is showing his bro’s his new ride, he is always required to open the hood and showcase the contents. All bros present are required to admire the content, even and especially if they know nothing about cars.

10) When a bro asks a bro what he thinks of his girlfriend or date, a bro is always required to give an honest answer. The phrase, “I’d bang her” is off limits. ~ egogames (Read the entire list here.)

Check out the rest of what people came up with and the riveting comments that followed over at Reddit.

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