Florida Man Falls Asleep On Couch While Robbing House, Because Felonies Are Exhausting

Could this asshole look any more exhausted? Bro, did you just chug a gallon of NyQuil while listening to relaxing nature sounds on the stereo of the lady’s house you just broke into? I would say that this dude may just be putting in too many hours at the office but the only job this guy has is selling bath salts. Fuck man, pull it together. You are literally too lazy to be a criminal.

Timothy Bontrager, 29, has been charged with felony burglary of an occupied dwelling after breaking into a home and falling asleep on the couch, according to WTSP. Because there is nothing more relaxing than a mid-robbery tiger nap.

The owner of the home woke up at 7:20 am only to find Timmy taking a quick power snooze on her living room couch. When she asked what the fuck he was doing, he apologized.

While the victim was calling the police, Bontrager dug deep and found the energy to book it out the sliding door. The victim then noticed her wallet, driver’s license, credit and debit cards as well as personal checks made out of Bontrager missing from the table in the living room.

Timmy will have plenty of time to rest up in his jail cell.

Food for thought: How many felonies does one have to commit for committing felonies to become so boring and routine, he squats down for a nap?  If you’re guessing 600, I’ll take the over.

BRO TIP: Pop an adderall before committing a felony to avoid that inevitable mid-robbery crash.

[H/T Fox 43]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.