Yesterday, we brought you the news of Tommie Woodward, who said “Fuck the alligators,” before jumping into an alligator-infested bayou in Orange, Texas.
An alligator in there ate him to death.
But in a story worthy of Shakespeare, his best friend, beset by grief, fueled by rage, tormented, hunted down the alligator who murdered his friend, letting the gator know what death really feels like. By shooting it in the head.
If that couldn’t get any better, the Bro who performed the honor killing is named Bear. Bear. Look at Bear up there.
“He had to go,” Bear told the Houston Chronicle.
Not really, Bear. This was kind of your friend’s fault. Although game wardens did find human remains inside the alligator, this all could have been prevented by having a little more respect for gators.
Bear faces a $500 fine for killing the alligator, because in Texas, alligator hunting season ended seven days ago.