Bro Dying From Cancer Writes Own Obituary, And It’s Sad, But Hilariously Epic

It’s hard to keep in good spirits when you know you’re about to check out. I just hope Aaron Joseph Purmort left this world peacefully and his family is taken care of because the guy left this world in an incredibly epic way — he penned his own awesome obituary.

First off, spoiler, Aaron was Spider-Man, but bigger than that he broke off a marriage to Gwen Stefani to meet the woman of his dreams and have children.

Purmort’s wife, Nora, documented her husband’s battle with cancer on a personal blog. She shared the obituary Sunday along with the caption: “Before Purmort died, we had time to sit down and write his obituary. I’ve never laughed and cried more in one sitting, but I’m so glad we got to do this. I love this man so damn much.”

Here’s Aaron Joseph Purmort.

Purmort, Aaron Joseph age 35, died peacefully at home on November 25 after complications from a radioactive spider bite that led to years of crime-fighting and a years-long battle with a nefarious criminal named Cancer, who has plagued our society for far too long. Civilians will recognize him best as Spider-Man, and thank him for his many years of service protecting our city.

His family knew him only as a kind and mild-mannered Art Director, a designer of websites and t-shirts and concert posters, who always had the right cardigan and the right thing to say (even if it was wildly inappropriate). Aaron was known for his long, entertaining stories, which he loved to repeat often.

In high school, he was in the band The Asparagus Children, which reached critical acclaim in the northern suburbs. As an adult, he graduated from the College of Visual Arts (which also died an untimely death recently) and worked in several agencies around Minneapolis, settling in as an Interactive Associate Creative Director at Colle + McVoy. Aaron was a comic book aficionado, a pop-culture encyclopedia and always the most fun person at any party.

He is survived by his parents Bill and Kim Kuhlmeyer, father Mark Purmort (Patricia, Autumn, Aly), sisters Erika and Nicole, first wife Gwen Stefani, current wife Nora and their son Ralph, who will grow up to avenge his father’s untimely death.

A service will be held on December 3, 2014 at Shelter Studios, 721 Harding St. NE, Mpls 55413 at 6 p.m.

Heaven just got one more hilarious guy. One who’s also good at fighting crime. He’ll be missed here on Earth.

H/T Mashable

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Chris Illuminati is a 5-time published author and recovering a**hole who writes about running, parenting, and professional wrestling.