Not all celebrities are flaming assholes like Michael Jordan who crap on the average Joes of the world. Sometimes they can be real people. Sometimes, believe it or not, they can give out $100 bills to wheelchair-bound homeless people on the street like Mark Wahlberg. And why not? God knows the guy can afford it, whereas I can’t even spare a crumpled Washington without spiraling into a panic attack about whether or not I’ll be able to pay my rent this month. Maybe my next financial move is to stalk Mark Wahlberg while dressed like a homeless person in the hopes that he’ll shower me in free money.
One can only dream.