Men Confess The Things They Wish They Could Do If Society Didn’t Consider Them Feminine Or Socially Unacceptable



As bros, our emotions and decisions are often subconsciously dictated by society’s preconceived notions of what said emotions and decisions symbolize. There are many times I’ve wanted to watch 10 Things I Hate About You on TBS, but instead had to struggle to finish a meaningless Jags/Titans Thursday night game in fear of my father putting me up for adoption. Now that we’re in a safe space, I’m not afraid to admit that sometimes I just want one glass of wine to unwind after a long day but instead down a Colt 45 and start a fight with my girlfriend.

I was relieved to find that I’m not the only one who has urges to act traditionally feminine in the face of a judgemental society. Redditor watermelancholia recently posed the question, ‘Men of Reddit; what thing would you do if it wasn’t so ‘feminine’ or socially ‘unacceptable’?’ I can resonate with far too many.


Honestly, I think I’d get into quilting. I live in Pennsylvania and there’s some damn impressive quilting happening here. And, to top it off, I think it’s awesome that you can make something like a quilt and give it to someone, who’ll literally wrap themselves in the gift you’ve made them.

Fuck it. I’m making a quilt, you guys.

Quilt until your fingers hurt bro, but don’t admit it or else you’re going to be put on landscaping duty. 



If I didn’t have a penis I would only wear yoga pants.

If you have a really tiny penis, you can get away with wearing them and not being labeled a sex offender. I own three pairs.


One night, my girlfriend decided to use one of those face mask things. So, I decided why the hell can’t I make my skin all nice and soft? Now I’m addicted and do them at least twice a week.

I use a refining mask twice a week. Having velvety skin is totally worth looking like Peter North used your face as his tube sock. 


Laser hair removal on my ass. Actually I finally starting going(am in my 4th session) and omg it is amazing. I so should have just swallowed my pride and done this sooner. I have always had to shave between my butt cheeks because it was like shitting through a strainer if I didn’t. Also as a side effect I save so much more on TP now.

This also makes it more inviting for your girl to put her finger in your ass. Not something I thought I would have liked until my girl started milking my prostate like I was a prized cow on Garelick Farm. 


It’s a really simple thing, but girls just fucking smell good. When they come out of the bathroom after showering and freshening up, it smells like someone knocked over a jar full of polka dots or something. They’re all flowery and fruity and sweet. I wish I could smell like a flowerbed all the time without getting judged.

It doesn’t matter how many times I brush, I never can shake the stench of my uncle’s dick from my breath. Ok, that was too much. Sorry.


Skirts. We need the ball room.

I’m actually for the revival of cloaks and such as well. We should just wear robes.

You lost me at the skirts but robes would be dope.


Kept teaching preschool. I had a way with young kids and really enjoyed seeing them make connections for the first time almost every single day. I just hated the first few months of the school year where parents were on high alert with me. I understood why, having been a parent, but it was why I moved up to older kids.

That’s because you were taking photos your favorite kids at recess for your personal scrapbook, bruh. Can’t have that.


say that cute things are cute


This is so c–c–can you hand me a beer bro and stop being an emotional bitch?


Be the little spoon – sometimes I want to be the cuddlee instead of the cuddler.

Little spoon is highly underrated because the woman has to form her body around your most comfortable sleeping position. But beware, if you do it for more than 15 minutes, it takes a half inch off your schlong, I’m told.

Bros, if you have any to add, please write them in the comment section of this post. I will look through them tonight while putting on lipstick and perfecting my mangina.

[h/t Reddit, Uproxx]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.