New FDA Rules Mean People Will Know Exactly How Bad Everything Is For Them — Even Booze!

The FDA just dropped the hammer. Literally, a hammer. They were nailing a new sign up regarding the posting of calories basically everywhere in the world. We all heard the hammer drop, turned, saw the sign and now things are different in this world.

According to this new set of rules laid down by the FDA, “fast food and sit down restaurants operating more than 20 outlets, movie theaters, amusements parks, vending machines and even single-serving grocery store items will be marked up.”

Everywhere you go, you’ll know how fat you’re getting. It will now be impossible to enjoy a burger without that 1,000 calorie number staring at you in the face at least once. Twice if you go back for seconds.

The new FDA rules also state that booze has list the caloric intake. Yes, booze. Delicious, zero calorie once you’re drunk, booze will now come with calorie info. But that’s a simple fix — never order drinks off a menu. So no more Pina Coladas, bros, amma right? [Wait for high five from other pina colada drinkers. Waits.]

The rules go into effect next year, so until then, you’ll just have to rely on your girl to go “OHMYGAWD do you know how many calories are in that thing?!?” and ruin meals.

H/T Gothamist 

Chris Illuminati avatar
Chris Illuminati is a 5-time published author and recovering a**hole who writes about running, parenting, and professional wrestling.