After it was reported last week by the Korean Central News Agency that a unicorn lair had been found in Pyongyang the Academy of Social Sciences was quick to corroborate the report, stating there was in fact a lair of mythical equine beasts whose hair can cure erectile dysfunction. Sooooo the last part I may have embellished, there was no mention of erectile dysfunction, but the state run news agency of North Korea and their scientific academy did “confirm” the existence of a unicorn lair.
The lair of unicorns are said to be unicorns of the same lineage as the “unicorn rode by King Tongmyong, founder of the Koguryo Kingdom,” according to USNews. Which makes perfect sense, because everyone knows that unicorns exist and they’ve just been hiding in the shadows of our cities for centuries.
The state-owned Korean Central News Agency reported Thursday that archaeologists in the country had found a “unicorn lair” in Pyongyang.
According to the tough-to-believe report, the Academy of Social Sciences “reconfirmed a lair of the unicorn rode by King Tongmyong, founder of the Koguryo Kingdom,” who ruled the area between 37 and 19 B.C.
The news is just the latest in a series of myths trumpeted by North Korean news sources: They had previously reported that Kim Jong Il was born beneath a double rainbow and that a new star appeared when he was born, that Jong Il learned to walk at three weeks old, and shot a round of golf that included 11 holes-in-one.
According to the news report, the discovery of the unicorn lair “proves that Pyongyang was a capital city of Ancient Korea,” and that the unicorn is very important in North Korean history books.
“The lair is located 200 meters from the Yongmyong Temple in Moran Hill in Pyongyang City,” the report reads. “A rectangular rock carved with words ‘Unicorn Lair’ stands in front of the lair.”
I don’t know why, bros, but I believe him. I don’t suspect that is a plot to boost morale amongst North Koreans, nor is it a scheme to increase tourism from the Chinese. There’s DEFINITELY unicorns hidden under a rock in Pyongyang, North Korea. Animals of this size are obviously easily concealed under tiny rocks in cities as large as Pyongyang (2.851 million):
I believe you, Kim.