The United States Government Thinks You Aren’t Man Enough To Know What Porn Osama Bin Laden Jacked It To

terrorist Suspect Osama bin Laden

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Recently (as part of a hilarious awful and transparent attempt to show they weren’t completely lying about the circumstances of Osama Bin Laden’s death), the U.S. government began releasing details of some of the things they found in Osama Bin Laden’s compound.

(Yea. Total coincidence this is happening days after Seymour Hersh’s revised account of the raid.)

As part of this disclosure, the government is telling us shit like… the books he read.

Woo hoo. Yayyy. So cool. Who the fuck cares what kind of books the world’s most notorious terrorist read? Probably some Dan Brown, maybe a copy of Ulysses that he never even touched and a biography or two. Same shit everyone reads. They’re books. Not a lot of variety there.

What I want to know is what he jerked it to. Because when he was killed, it was reported — probably as an attempt to disgrace him — that Bin Laden had a significant stash of pornographic material.

I imagine being under the constant threat of capture made you require some seriously graphic pornography to get it up and I want to know what that is.

But the United States government isn’t going to let you masturbate like you’re the world’s most wanted man. Because of its “nature,” the government is declining to release what was in OBL’s collection. From The Guardian:

On Wednesday, the office of the director of national intelligence, James Clapper, confirmed for the first time that “some pornographic material” was contained in Bin Laden’s recovered papers and personal effects.

But while the US declassified a substantial number of documents and released detailed lists of Bin Laden’s reading preferences, details the pornography kept by the man who was the world’s most-hunted terrorist will remain hidden.

“We are not going to release these materials due to the nature of their contents,” Clapper’s spokesman, Jeffrey Anchukaitis, told the Guardian.

Fucking bullshit nanny state bullshit.

I’m a man. I can handle knowing what kind of porn Osama Bin Laden watched. Ain’t gonna make me like him more, ain’t gonna make me hate him less.

I’m just interested is all. I’ve filed a FOIA request for this information and I will keep you posted when I hear back from the CIA.

[H/T Total Frat Move]