Security Guards Shared The Weirdest Things They’ve Ever Seen So Get Ready For Stories About Stolen Cows And Boobs
Security guards probably see more weird stuff on a monthly, weekly, or even daily basis (depending on the job) than most people see at work in an entire lifetime. In addition to ‘walking around with a flashlight and holding it like a pistol to scare teens’ one aspect of being a security guard is sitting on your ass all day and staring at a screen showing a security camera feed. Which in some ways is pretty much like blogging, because there are days here at BroBible when I post multiple CCTV security cam Footage videos of fights, accidents, or whatever it is that happened to get caught on camera that day. Security guards see some serious shit on the job because they’re watching these cameras when the rest of the world thinks nobody is watching and they feel free to do whatever they hell they want (like the stories below).
A bunch of security guards shared the most WTF things they’d ever seen on the job, and there are some you might expect to read like ‘sex in the laundry room’, but there are others that are very, very weird. Things that nobody in this world would witness/encounter other than a security guard. Below I’ve pulled the best responses from the AskReddit thread below, aka ‘all the ones worth reading’. However, if you feel inclined to read each and every one of them you can follow any of the links below and head on over to Reddit.
I work nights and although we have cameras our job isn’t really to focus on staring at a screen- there’s a man who actually works for the mining company that watches it, we’re there to make sure the truckers sign in/out and to keep an eye on the spots that aren’t covered by a camera. Anyway, this guy called off sick so my boss had me check the cameras every two hours. I make my round over to the cameras and see a group of miners by the shaft in one big circle. “Wtf?” I keep watching. And they’re all just staring down this shaft waiting for the elevator thing to come back up and when it finally came up from underground, there was a cow in the shaft. They open the gate and instead of making the cow leave, they all crowd by it and go back underground with the cow. By this point I radio in to the one of the main guys underground asking why there’s a cow in the shaft. Apparently, one of the miners found her and brought her underground as a prank, lost her for a week, and now won’t leave. I ended up having to call animal control and they eventually lured her out but I’ll never forget looking at that screen and seeing all those guys non chalantly crowd around the cow to go underground like it was no big deal.
Cows are heavy and stubborn. Apparently it’s one of those “if it fits I sits” situation and one of the guys said she actually enjoyed riding the shaft up and down. Huehuehue. But seriously, I heard she would stand in the elevator quite often.
I saw 3 casino floor waitresses go to a storeroom behind a bar the pulling their tops down and comparing breast sizes and feeling each other for bounciness. Apparently one of them just got implants and they were comparing them to the real thing. This went on for over 5 minutes then they pulled their tops back up and went to work like it was nothing.
I worked at a hotel and we had a group of college kids come ask us if we had security footage of the pool area between 3-5 a.m. They were all excited about it so we pulled it up. They had put something in the lock on the pool door so they could get in later, we didn’t care because they were checking out anyways, but at around 3 a.m. you see them sneak in and about 30 minutes later they started a drunken belly flop competition and wanted us to tell them who won. One of them did about five perfect belly flops in a row. I am talking NO FEAR, grade A belly flops. We told him that he won and he raised his hands up in celebration, got a funny look on his face and ran outside to puke. I have yet to see a more perfect belly flop, yet alone 5 of them.
I am not a security guard, but when I moved into the building I live in, we have a channel on the TV that lets you see the security cameras in the building. There are 9 of them in little squares. One is in the laundry room. I was here about a week and decided to check out the security channel out of curiosity.
In the laundry room, I could see what looked like a man standing behind a woman, who was bent over the sink. He was really giving it to her. I could see him moving a lot, and floppy hair in front of him.
I was shocked. What kind of place did I just move into? Should I take off my pants?
Then something happened. The man moved out of the way. The long floppy hair was attached to a very thin neck. Then it hit me. This was not some man fucking the shit out of a woman after all. It was someone trying to unclog the drain with the handle end of a mop.
Worked 5 years in security at various locations in good parts of the city to shitty parts from government regulated facilities to a factory. Weirdest shit I seen was probably the random fucking chimpanzee that was walking down the street around 3am outside my guardshack.
I live in Iowa.. It was the first time I’ve seen a Chimp outside a zoo. I called the police station that was down the street and went back to watching movies. Never did hear what happened from that but I learned I shouldn’t ask to many questions I’m not dying for 9.50 an hour.
Every security department saves some of the best clips or clips that might be needed to use in future court dates or to protect them. Best clip I ever saw was a fight take place in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Started with two women arguing and that quickly escalated into a full blown cat fight. That wasn’t the interesting part.
Their two male friends started getting into it. One pulls a tire iron out of the back of his truck. The second quickly goes to his car and pulls out a golf club. They start acting like two gorillas showing how tough they can be. The one with the tire iron starts swinging it around above his head when it slips out of his hand and hits a kid who was walking by with his parents. By coincidence the cops show up at the exact same time. They were pretty brutal stopping that fight.
I used to be a Security guard in Kuwait. Let’s just say the Kuwaiti National guards did not know they were being supervised. One of the guards had their feet up in the window of his guard booth, so I sent out a supervisor to wake him up. Turns out the guard’s relief had shown up early and was giving him head. The supervisor walked in on them mid act, but don’t worry, the guards insisted they weren’t gay. I love the middle east!
I volunteered working at a jail once. A guy jumped off his bunk and broke his ankle so bad that it looked like a “< " from the front. He passed out from the pain, I passed out looking at it.
While working at a department store at the end of a strip mall, I saw a bobcat run past the doors, heading towards Target. Several seconds later, I saw a mother, father, and two children go running past in the same direction.
A few minutes later, the family walked back past the doors, with the father carrying the bobcat. A big, fuck off bobcat. It was kinda odd.
And then this other time, I watched two people meet up in the parking lot. They both parked, then the guy got out and got in the gal’s car with her. This happens a lot. It’s almost always an affair.
Anyway, what ensued was some of the most bizarre.. intimacy.. I’ve ever witnessed. She was a bigger gal, and when she unbuttoned her pants and lifted her shirt, I figured I knew where this was headed.. but he never went lower than her belly. This grown man just sat there for a half hour jiggling and jostling her massive belly. Shaking and patting it. The strangest part: he didn’t look like he was into it at all. He alternated between looking bored and horrified. I imagine my face was doing the same thing.
About a half hour later, he answered a phone call and left abruptly. She buttoned up and drove off. I never saw them again.
My father is responsbile for a handful of factories scattered around the country.
He got a call one day from the security officer to come up for some advice. Apparently there is a high school nearby and a couple from the school were screwing behind a large pile of munch that was on the factory property. While watching the live feed, Dad called the school and told them the situation. He watched while the principal “interrupted” them. He says that he’s never seen anyone put on pants so quickly in his life.
To read all of the stories you can CLICK HERE to head on over to the AskReddit thread, and if you’re a security guard and think you can top any of these stories I want you to send us your best by CLICKING HERE and filling out our ‘TIP OFF’ form.
WATCH: Best Matthew McConaughey Impersonations Around