Dudes Asking Kate Upton to Prom: 148,923,031
Dudes Asking Kate Upton to Snap His Neck: 1
This life is all about zigging when everyone else is zagging. Straying from the herd. Every straight dude in America wants to ask Kate Upton to prom, but only one wants Kate Upton to murder him to death. And if we’re playing the odds, Kyle has a better chance of the sexiest woman in the world beating the life out of him with a lead pipe than Travis from Idaho has of Kate wasting her valuable time drinking fruit punch and slow dancing with a 17-year-old.
But Kyle, if you’re reading this, please reconsider. Assisted suicide is NEVER the answer. Just have Kate beat you within an inch of your life so you can sue her ass for her entire fortune when you awake from your coma. Then all your lady troubles will disappear in an ocean of gold-digging vagina. Dive in.