Before I get into the meat of this, I need to tell you the most important part of this whole story:
The guy’s name is Pedro Bravo.
Were his parents on meth when they named him? I’m picturing a cracked-out Mom who just gave birth holding her child while Napoleon Dynamite is playing on TV. The nurse comes in and asks “What would you like to name your new baby boy?” to which she responds “FJDSfjdalfjwoIOFO PEEEEEEEEEDDRROOOOOO.”
The father nods in silent agreement. What a stupid family full of cabbages.
Horrifying birthing stories aside, make sure to never piss your roommate off enough to get yourself murdered.
“Pedro Bravo, 20, stands accused of kidnapping and strangling his friend Christian Aguilar, 18, in September 2012 when they shared a room at the University of Florida.
The murder trial at the Alachua County Criminal Justice Centre, Florida, yesterday heard how the men had argued over Aguilar dating Bravo’s ex-girlfriend, Erika Friman.
Detective Matt Goeckel from Gainesville Police Department said on 20 September 2012, Bravo told Apple’s digital assistant Siri: ‘I need to hide my roommate’.
In response to this, Siri said: ‘What kind of place are you looking for? Swamps. Reservoirs. Metal foundries. Dumps.’
Bravo was charged with murder on Friday 28 September 2012.
But his friend’s body was not found until weeks later when hunters stumbled across Aguilar in a shallow grave in a Levy County forest, about 60 miles southwest of Gainesville.
Evidence collected from Bravo’s iPhone also includes records of him using the phone’s flashlight function nine times from 11.31pm to 12.01am on the day that Bravo disappeared.
Police have said Bravo was using the phone’s flashlight function to hide the body in the woods.”
Sooo you’re telling me that the time I asked Siri “Where do I buy pure cocaine in Brooklyn, NY?” could potentially be used in any future trial I get sucked into? Damn. Well joke’s on the police, because in order to find THAT on my phone they’ll have to wade through the plethora of bullshit I asked Siri when I first got my iPhone, which may or may not include:
“Siri, why the fuck is the subway so fucking awful?”
“Siri I fucking hate all the people clogging the sidewalk and I want to murder them”
“Siri, why is “Fancy” the only goddamn song that ever plays on the radio anymore?”
“SIRI THE INTERNET IN THIS SHITHOLE APARTMENT NEVER WORKS AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO FUCKING CRUSH HEADS”
In other news, my life is a first world problem.
[H/T Daily Mail]