The Patriotic Song Millennials Played The Most Over July 4th Weekend Is A Goddamn Disgrace To Our Founding Fathers

Most of us celebrated America’s Independence Day over the weekend with nine too many domestic beers, a few too many hotdogs, and a heart full of patriotism. We honored the men and women of our armed forces, both past and present, by passing out a pool raft and getting burned worse than the Oklahoma City Thunder. We were exercising our freedoms in the freest way possible. As our ancestors would have wanted it. I think.

What are ancestors may have a gripe with is what was playing in the background of our July 4th cookouts.

If my grandfather were to crip walk out of his grave on America’s birthday, he’d likely throw the below playlist on the boombox aka ask me to do it because he was technologically illiterate:

Lynyrd Skynyrd’s Red, White and Blue. Jimi Hendrick’s guitar-shredding rendition of the Star Spangled Banner. Lee Greenwood’s God Bless the USA. Clay Aiken’s Lover All Alone. I mean, what. Never mind.

So what songs did millennials play the most over the weekend? The answer: None of the above.

Blend, a millennial group messaging app, took a sample of 200,000 users to determine what millennials were listening to this 4th of July weekend.

The winner:

That’s right, Miley Cyrus’ Party in the U.S.A. topped the list. With these FIRE lyrics.

Jumped in the cab,
Here I am for the first time
Look to my right and I see the Hollywood sign
This is all so crazy
Everybody seems so famous

Don’t ask me how this song has a half BILLION views on YouTube, because I simply do not know the answer.

I do know that we chose this chick to serenade us on America’s special day.

Sorry grandpa.

I SAID SORRY! Do I still get those yearly $5 savings bonds???

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.