These Two Tech Moguls Made An Insane $8 BILLION In One Day!

What were you doing last Friday around 4 p.m.? Getting ready to party your fucking face off on what was a grand summer weekend? That’s cool. It’s not Larry Page and Sergey Brin cool, but it’s cool. All they did was earn a combined $8 billion. Now I’m not going to say some cliche shit like, “Larry Page and Sergey Brin just made $8 billion. That’s “billion” with a “B.” Because I must assume that you clicked this article because you have more than a 2nd grade reading comprehension and easily understand that “million” is spelled with a “M” and “billion” is spelled with a “B.” I respect your intelligence enough to be able to tell the difference between the two. But yeah it was $8 billion in a mere day, so that’s fucking nuts.

So just how did these two men make a ludicrous Scrooge McDuck-esque amount of coin in one day you ask? Well they are the co-founders of a little tech company called “Google,” maybe you’ve heard of it? The two gentlemen own a shit-ton of stock in the technology behemoth and the stock did well, really, really well.

When the bells rang at the New York Stock Exchange on Friday, shares of their company closed at $672.93, a one-day rise of more than $93. That was just the cherry on top of their very amazing and very profitable week that saw Google stock soar as much as 16 percent.

This was such an unbelievable explosion of wealth that it set the record for the biggest one-day creation of wealth in U.S. history at $51 billion. It provided the company a market value of $404 billion; making it No. 2 behind Apple at $740 billion.

All of these ridiculous gains were caused by Google’s announcement of better-than-expected quarterly results and a promise to bring more discipline into the company’s spending.

“People should take away that Google is a stronger and healthier company than what the Street had previously understood,” said Colin Sebastian, an analyst at Robert W Baird & Co. stated.

I probably should have done a little less partying and used my free time to invent Google instead.