Back during the diaphragm crazy of the 1980s, sex used to be a little less sexy as women had to pause, rush to the bathroom, and stick a rubber cup up their hooch to block the flow of sperm into their womb before the intercoursin’ could begin.
(It probably wasn’t all that bad, actually. I’ve never had sex with a woman who had to stop to put in her diaphragm, but I imagine you’d just sit on the bed while they were in the bathroom, masturbating gently, which sounds kinda nice. A little me time.)
But science may have found a way to streamline the process, and it involves men putting a valve on their vas deferens (valve deferens?) and, with the flip of a switch, no sperm can come out. Boom. No babies. Like an infinitely reversible vasectomey.
I bet it’s fun to click. I would probably click it all day at work while I was bored. Sperm goes on, sperm goes off. Sperm goes on, sperm goes off. I could pass eight hours that way.
The invention is the brainchild of a German carpenter, Clemens Bimek (leave it to the Germans). The Telegraph has the story.
The tiny valves are less than a inch long and weigh less than a tenth of an ounce. They are surgically implanted on the vas deferens, the ducts which carry sperm from the testicles, in a simple half-hour operation.
They are controlled with a simple on-off switch which the man can reach under the skin of his scrotum.
Mr. Bimek got the operation himself, under local anestheia. It took a half hour and now 25 other men are set to undergo clinical trials with the valve.
Hartwig Bauer, the urologist who carried out the surgery, told Spiegel the valve was preferable to a vasectomy.
“A third of patients want to have the operation reversed later, but it doesn’t always work,” he said.
However, like any drain, you gotta flush it regularly.
“My assessment is that implanting the valve could cause scarring where it meets the vas deferens,” Wolfgang Bühmann, spokesman for the Professional Association of German Urologists, said.
He also warned the valve could become clogged over time if left in the closed position for too long.
Regular cleaning shouldn’t be a problem for any man.